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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In some
countries
Use synonyms
, the population of elderly beings is increasing. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why an aged population becomes a burden to the government and
overshadow
Correct subject-verb agreement
overshadows
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 the advantages of having more older
people
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. On the one hand, the increasing number of elderly persons shows the development of the
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, the effectiveness of governments in improving their health systems could be seen in the improvement of life expectancy numbers. To illustrate
this
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 point, some
people
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 might have a longer life if they could maintain their well-being. By having more elderly society,
people
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 could develop trust in the healthcare services that are facilitated by the current regimes.
Additionally
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, the senior demographics become living legends, which could allow future generations to gain a total understanding of their histories first-hand. Knowing history is fundamental for the development of the states.
Therefore
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, these kinds of societies are essential to inherit knowledge.
On the other hand
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, these generations cause several issues for the ruling powers for various reasons.
Firstly
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, elderly societies place a financial burden on the government.
This
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 situation prevails because they are not actively working anymore, which means that they do not pay taxes.
However
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, the governments still need to provide exceptional facilities that allow them to possess a decent life,
such
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 as housing and health treatments.
Secondly
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, the population of
countries
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 commonly rises year by year. In order to have a solid and stable economic condition, the active-aged demographics are fundamental. If the increase in aged societies is not accompanied by the rise of young
people
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, it will create new problems for the
countries
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.
To sum up
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,
while
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 the elderly communities could provide several benefits,
such
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 as showing the quality of healthcare and being living legends, the governments are burdened with the cost, and the demographic situation can be ineffective.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the demerits eclipse the merits.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your position on the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. Consider rephrasing for clarity and relevance. In the conclusion, restate your position concisely and summarize the main arguments of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs with logical transitions. A single idea should be presented and developed within each paragraph. Make better use of cohesive devices to achieve a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with a wider range of relevant, specific examples and evidence. This strengthens the argument and demonstrates a full understanding of the topic. Avoid generalizations that lack depth or detail.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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