IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Even though doctors advise old people to get more exercise, many old people do not get enough. What are the reasons for this? What are some possible solutions for this

#doctors #people #exercise
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Medical professionals generally
advice
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advise
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 that the older population should exercise more,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 the vast majority of the elderly are incapable of
this
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the possible causes of
such
 a notion and some solutions.
Firstly
, the elderly usually find physical activity to be quite demanding on their body. Many suffer from a series of comorbidities, like osteoporosis, which makes mobility rather difficult for them.
This
 means that
,
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 their bodies are often in quite a lot of pain and
therefore
 they are unlikely to participate in anything that causes discomfort.
Although
,
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 they are aware that exercise contributes to a multitude of benefits, like the release of endorphins,
this
 is not a good enough reason for them to justify adverse movement.
Secondly
, many people reach a certain stage of their lives where they have a lack of motivation.
This
 is particularly true for the older generation, who often feel as if they have passed their prime.
Furthermore
,
due to
 the fact that they may
also
 have additional ailments, they might not want to extend their livelihood but rather live in comfort and peace. In order to conquer
such
 issues, the government should make it compulsory that some light, strenuous walking classes be held in care home facilities. In
this
 way, residents will look forward to a change in their routine and keep fit.
Furthermore
,
this
 will
also
 benefit them on a physical and mental scale.
Additionally
, doctors could set a weekly target and aim for one hour of any form of movement, which would be documented in a diary. In
this
 way, there will be a driving force and a commitment that
the
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apply
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they need to honour. In conclusion, exercise is often not performed by the elderly
due to
health related
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health-related
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 issues,
however
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however,
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 the government could invest in classes that would cause
this
 to occur.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the topics to be discussed, followed by body paragraphs that each introduce a distinct idea, supported by relevant examples or evidence. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Strive for a full response to the task that includes discussing the reasons for the lack of exercise in old people, along with potential solutions. Each point should be developed fully with clear, relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
What to do next:
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