Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many individuals believe that being a rich person is the most vital because they can utilize the money to help other societies. I highly agree with

this

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statement because of two reasons: can get more

happiness

Use synonyms

and get more impact in the future. The following paragraph will give more elaboration about

this

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essay. First of all, money is a crucial factor to bring

happiness

Use synonyms

in people’s life. All of the people can do all of favourable things with the fee.

However

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, there are a lot of people who can not feel

this

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condition.

For instance

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, the Citizens in Papua, which is one of the city in Indonesia, have suffered stunting because lack of money to buy some foods. So, as a human beings, helping others is important and in psychologycal field, giving an aid to other can enhance our

happiness

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Secondly

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, Giving an aid to other people

also

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can affect in the future life. As an example, Fatia Fairuza, who is one of Indonesia influencer, alocates the funding to give an education scholarship for young generation. She

also

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built “shape your life” as a form of contribution place. In the next era, the Youth who will get

this

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scholarship will give more contribution with their knowledge.

To sum up

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, being rich can gve more benefits specifically in two perspective:

First,

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Psychological side which is can be a way to bring

happiness

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Second,

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in the imminent perspective, help action can give better future for other human’s life.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Wed May 01 2024

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Example Specificity

Ensure your examples are detailed and directly linked to how they support your main arguments. Specific examples help to solidify your argument.

Grammar & Sentence Structure

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your arguments.

Vocabulary Expansion

Consider varying your vocabulary more to avoid repetition and engage your reader. Rich vocabulary demonstrates a higher command of language.

Idea Development

Make sure all paragraphs are fully developed. Each idea should be explored fully with explanations and examples.

Task Response

You presented a clear stance and maintained it throughout the essay, which is essential for Task Response.

Structure

You included an introduction and conclusion, which framed your essay well and satisfied the necessary structural components.

Relevant Examples

Good use of examples to support your main points. Examples like Fatia Fairuza’s initiative help concretize your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

246 words

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Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job.

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents, who are choosing to educate children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

A university education should be free for all students. To what extent do you agree?

News stories on TV and newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?