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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar and pie charts below illustrate how many people use the internet and the average amount of money spent on the internet in five different countries.

The bar and pie charts below illustrate how many people use the internet and the average amount of money spent on the internet in five different countries.
#bar #people #internet #amount #money #five #countries
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The bar and pie charts below illustrate how many
people
Use synonyms
 use the internet and the average amount of money spent on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 in five different countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 who use the web are in
Sweden
Use synonyms
, whilst the least are located in
Spain
Use synonyms
. The
UK
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 invests the most money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shopping, followed closely by
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 in
Spain
Use synonyms
 tend to spend very little on internet shopping. Looking at the bar graph in more detail, the highest amount of the population using the net
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 with a figure of 35%.
This
Linking Words
 is 7 times the number for
Spain
Use synonyms
 which is only 5%. France’s figure is double that of
Spain
Use synonyms
 at 10%. Germany and the
UK
Use synonyms
 have statistics that are the most similar, these being respectively 15 and 20. Examining the pie chart in more detail, the
people
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 spend most of their revenue on purchases, displaying a statistic of 87. More than ¾ of their earnings go on shopping in
Sweden
Use synonyms
, 76%. France and Germany have numbers that are relatively similar, 57 and 46. The
UK
Use synonyms
 spends less than a fifth of these values, giving a statistic of 10 euros.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sweden, spain, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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