IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about a restaurant’s average sales in three different branches in 2016.

The table below gives information about a restaurant’s average sales in three different branches in 2016.
#information #restaurant’s #sales #three #branches
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table describes information regarding
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 of
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 in 2016 in three different
Use synonyms
branch
Change to a plural noun
branches
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear most favourite menu is food
that is
Linking Words
 produced from chicken meat.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is located in
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Georgia
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 did transaction as many as 854
transactions
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Vancouver
Correct article usage
the Vancouver
show examples
Dunsmuir
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
 was
runner-up
Correct article usage
the runner-up
show examples
, and
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
 namely
Drake
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
390 dealings.
However
Linking Words
,
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Drake
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 was higher than
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Dunsmuir
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 in value of
transactions
Use synonyms
 and attained
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
$9,02. If
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
 is compared with
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other branches
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
, it will be seen that
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Georgia
Use synonyms
 got
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
. In
Use synonyms
Vancouver
Correct article usage
the Vancouver
show examples
Georgia
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 tend to
ate
Change the verb
eat
show examples
 their food at restaurants with
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 namely 405
people
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile
Dunsmuir
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 highest
number
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Eat-in
Correct article usage
the Eat-in
show examples
 mode. But
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Drake
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 did not reach 300
people
Use synonyms
 in Eat-in
transactions
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
 for take-away mode, 449
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 purchase
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 at
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Georgia
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 prefer to
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 at home. It was similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Dunsmuir
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
, calculated about 392
people
Use synonyms
 used take-away
transactions
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Drake
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of take-away customers. In conclusion, One hand,
Use synonyms
Vancouver
Correct article usage
the Vancouver
show examples
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
branch
Use synonyms
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 income
sales
Use synonyms
 than others. On
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand,
Vancouver
Use synonyms
Drake
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 income
sales
Use synonyms
, and it potentially needs improvements in
strategy
Add an article
the strategy
a strategy
show examples
 of
sales
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, branch, vancouver, georgia, street, transactions, dunsmuir, drake, number, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: