Children are facing more problem nowadays from academy, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what am I should be taken to reduce this pressure?
Recent times have, no doubt, witnessed a phenomenon of children being impacted by the sectors
such
as through schooling social factors and various businesses , reflecting a concern about the surge in the troubles they face. There can be several possible causes behind this
notion which this
essay intends to explain in the following paragraphs along with
the solutions to protect children's health.
Reasons accountable for this
trend can be many; the most significant one is the extensive competition in the educational field; pressurizing young students to spend almost all of their time studying even the subjects they possess no interest in, which likely imposes an an unnecessary burden on them. For instance
, seeing this
cutting-edge competition, in order to get admitted to a renowned school, kids have to take extra tuition to acquire a seat, despite already being well-versed in academics. Secondly
, this
advanced technical world has resulted in minors owning their own social media accounts on varied kinds of platforms, and the urge to cope with the latest trends and maintain a high profile gives birth to additional burdensome situations for them, consequently
impacting their overall
well-being. In addition
, the usage of social media for businesses emboldens this
age group to get influenced towards things detrimental to them. This
can be exemplified by the heterogenous adverts shown in multiple ways all around, introducing kids to the products which are adverse as per their young age, that is
, the billboards and video commercials made for selling sexual contamination products.
Considering the solutions, the government and related authorities, as a matter of urgency, must enact some laws deterring the growth of such
activities. Social media platforms should be regulated keeping in mind the different age groups and the impact of the content on their lives. The second strategy involves setting the school curriculum so that it aims to develop the best skills and abilities of the young learners rather than generating loads of negative outcomes. Furthermore
, parents play vitally prominent roles by encouraging their offspring to learn morally and ethically; differentiating between potential and harmful influences for themselves.
To recapitulate, the young-aged population is prone to get affected profoundly socially, commercially and academically and the responsibility falls on both the parents and bureaucrats to reduce the negative effects of these factors on them.Submitted by asr.rajni2001 on
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introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are both clearly identifiable and succinctly relate to the essay topic. The prompt is asking for causes and measures, so your conclusion should briefly recap both the causes you've discussed and the measures you've proposed.
logical structure
While you presented ideas in a generally logical order, there is room for clearer transitions and better connectivity between your points. The essay would benefit from more cohesive devices that help the reader understand how ideas support each other within paragraphs and how the paragraphs fit the overall argument of your essay.
supported main points
You've included main points that are relevant to the question but the essay needs further development and support through elaboration and specific examples. Try to provide clear examples that not only illustrate your points but are directly tied to the prompt.
complete response
Overall, you have addressed the task fairly well by discussing both causes and pressures. However, the response occasionally lacks depth and would benefit from more detailed explanation and exemplification. Be more explicit in outlining causes and ensure that the solutions offered directly address the issues raised.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are understandable, but some of them need more comprehensive development to ensure you fully address the prompt. Expand on your ideas to show a deeper understanding of the topic. The essay requires more detail and depth to each section to ensure clarity and comprehensiveness.
relevant specific examples
The examples given are relevant but too general and lack specificity. The inclusion of specific, detailed examples would enhance the credibility and effectiveness of your arguments. Aim to cite real-world examples, statistics, or studies that back up your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
