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Writing Samples
Band 7

Fast food is becoming part of life everywhere. This phenomenon affects people’s lifestyle and diet.Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #phenomenon #people’s #lifestyle #diet
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It is common that fast
food
 has become an integral part of
people
’s lives, and some
people
 contend that
this
 issue has effects on their lifestyle and diet. I agree with
this
 view, and I will enumerate my reasons below.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why the popularity of fast
food
 affects
people
’s lives. First and foremost, they can easily obtain meals from fast
food
 through delivery applications, even though they do not cook directly on their own.
The consumers
Correct article usage
Consumers
show examples
 can get a variety of fast
food
, including hamburgers, pizzas and even Chinese cuisine.
Therefore
, those who have hectic lifestyles tend to count on takeaway or dining out rather than homemade meals. Case in point, in South Korea, there is a strong trend that many young generation conveniently have fast
food
 for their regular meals. In spite of the positive influence mentioned above, there are
also
 some negative aspects of
this
 phenomenon. For one thing, it can give rise to a health problem.
This
 is because it offers a briny diet, high levels of cholesterol and excessive sugar content. These factors lead
people
 to high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes, which are chronic diseases to modern
people
.
Moreover
, the most serious matter is that children are exposed to these illnesses. In fact, in many countries, especially
such
 as the USA, child diabetes and obesity have raised a major social problem. In a nutshell,
although
 some
people
 believe that increasing the intake of fast
food
 is not connected to
people
’s lives, I firmly agree that it exerts a great impact on them.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the essay's logical structure, work on creating a smoother transition between ideas, ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly leads into the next. This will enhance the overall flow of the essay and make the argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
It is favorable that an introduction and conclusion are included; to further improve, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, it is crucial to deepen the analysis and explain how these points directly support the thesis. This sharpens the argument and demonstrates a stronger engagement with the essay question.
task achievement
You have answered the essay question sufficiently, presenting a clear stance. To take your essay to a higher score, ensure that you develop broader points more fully and show a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and related to the question, yet there is room to further clarify and expand upon these ideas to create a more compelling and comprehensive response.
task achievement
To have a variety of relevant examples, aim to include more specific instances or case studies that directly illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your essay and demonstrates an ability to use concrete evidence in your argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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