some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #sports #schools #competition #cooperation #students

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The

sports

programs

on television have been a moment in recent decades. Even though the

sports

programs

had created more entertainment by the producer, the teenagers won't be involved in any kind of sport because it looks like a spectator activity.

This

essay will discuss why many children have low motivation in a real activity.

Although

a football

program

provides a real match, that

program

is designed to attract people.

Such

as a war during a big match between a big club. That involves not only the players but

also

supporters or the coach. Occasionally, the psywar is more important than a real match.

Thus

, many fans were more satisfied to enjoy the psywar moment at that event and no longer enjoyed the match. With that moment the company will earn a lot of profits from entertainment. Televised

sports

potentially reinforce the idea of

sports

as a spectator activity, not a participatory one. The schedule should provide a special

program

to show how the journey of a young star becomes a star in a club.

For instance

, Lionel Messi started a career as a junior player in Barcelona until became the greatest of all time in football in recent decades.

As a result

, the

program

will encourage young people to love an idol and

then

love the life that the idol did. In conclusion, many

programs

football are regularly on television but those

programs

only focus on console things. Personally, I believe providing a real athlete in a particular field has a significant impact to rise to motivating adolescents to be active in exercise.

Submitted by syah.lian.ju on Sun Dec 24 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which is crucial for the introduction. Make sure to directly address the essay prompt and outline your opinion clearly to improve the introduction and conclusion.

Logical Structure

Provide a logical sequence of ideas throughout your essay. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea and follow logically from the previous paragraph, using cohesive devices where appropriate.

Cohesion

To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Ensure that the relationship between statements or paragraphs is clear to the reader.

Task Achievement

Make sure to fully address the essay prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, or clearly stating to what extent you agree or disagree and justify your viewpoint. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.

Supporting Examples

To score higher in the task achievement, each paragraph should contribute meaningful insight and clear analysis related to the essay prompt. Provide specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your opinion

Since traffic is such a problem in modern cities, private cars should not be allowed in city centres. Discuss the arguments for and against this statement. What do you think we should do about the problem of traffic in city centres?

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.