some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The

sports

Use synonyms

programs

Use synonyms

on television have been a moment in recent decades. Even though the

sports

Use synonyms

programs

Use synonyms

had created more entertainment by the producer, the teenagers won't be involved in any kind of sport because it looks like a spectator activity.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss why many children have low motivation in a real activity.

Although

Linking Words

a football

program

Use synonyms

provides a real match, that

program

Use synonyms

is designed to attract people.

Such

Linking Words

as a war during a big match between a big club. That involves not only the players but

also

Linking Words

supporters or the coach. Occasionally, the psywar is more important than a real match.

Thus

Linking Words

, many fans were more satisfied to enjoy the psywar moment at that event and no longer enjoyed the match. With that moment the company will earn a lot of profits from entertainment. Televised

sports

Use synonyms

potentially reinforce the idea of

sports

Use synonyms

as a spectator activity, not a participatory one. The schedule should provide a special

program

Use synonyms

to show how the journey of a young star becomes a star in a club.

For instance

Linking Words

, Lionel Messi started a career as a junior player in Barcelona until became the greatest of all time in football in recent decades.

As a result

Linking Words

, the

program

Use synonyms

will encourage young people to love an idol and

then

Linking Words

love the life that the idol did. In conclusion, many

programs

Use synonyms

football are regularly on television but those

programs

Use synonyms

only focus on console things. Personally, I believe providing a real athlete in a particular field has a significant impact to rise to motivating adolescents to be active in exercise.

syah.lian.juSun Dec 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which is crucial for the introduction. Make sure to directly address the essay prompt and outline your opinion clearly to improve the introduction and conclusion.

Logical Structure

Provide a logical sequence of ideas throughout your essay. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea and follow logically from the previous paragraph, using cohesive devices where appropriate.

Cohesion

To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Ensure that the relationship between statements or paragraphs is clear to the reader.

Task Achievement

Make sure to fully address the essay prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, or clearly stating to what extent you agree or disagree and justify your viewpoint. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.

Supporting Examples

To score higher in the task achievement, each paragraph should contribute meaningful insight and clear analysis related to the essay prompt. Provide specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Our personalities are predefined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing can be done to change our character traits to what extent do you agree?
Genes are fundamental components in living organisms, shaping various characteristics, including personality traits. Some believe that human personalities are entirely determined by genetics and are therefore unchangeable. However, while genetics undeniably influence certain aspects of our character, I argue that they do not entirely define who we are. Environmental factors, such as the "21-day rule" and cosmetic surgery, can significantly alter personality traits and behaviors.
7.5
band
Some People believe that travelling alone really benefits in learning a country’s culture and experience, while others believe that it is better to travel with someone you know. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
A part of society thinks that going on a trip by yourself can be more beneficial and that it offers the best experience, however, some disagree and think having company by your side is more enjoyable. This essay has a similar opinion to the first claim and believes travelling without other people creates more learning experiences and important life skills.
6
band
Some people think that young people should go to University to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as all builders et cetera to serve society discuss both views and give your own opinion
It is believed by some that new generation people should attend to schools and finish their courses, while others might say social services are more important and young people should be encouraged to help our society. In the following paragraphs, both viewpoints and my opinion will be outlined.
6.5
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is considered by some that taking risks is imperative in both personal and professional facets. From my standpoint, although there are merits to accepting risks, I advocate that a lot of drawbacks may happen alongside outweigh the positive sides.
7
band
In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary society, it has become increasingly prevalent for nations worldwide to elevate the retirement age as a means of alleviating economic burdens. However, it is my contention that the detriments of worker dissatisfaction and increased unemployment far outweigh the purported advantages.

some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your opinion

Our personalities are predefined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing can be done to change our character traits to what extent do you agree?

Some People believe that travelling alone really benefits in learning a country’s culture and experience, while others believe that it is better to travel with someone you know. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young people should go to University to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as all builders et cetera to serve society discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?