IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that music a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

#people #music #cultures #ages
Many
people
 opine and believe that
music
 is the best way to promote cohesion among
people
 of diverse cultures and age groups. It can be beneficial for bringing individuals together for social causes. l completely agree with the statement that
music
that is
 pleasant and widely acceptable can be used to promote harmony. One of the significant reasons that
music
 expels the barriers among different nations and cultures is that
people
savor
Change the spelling
savour
show examples
music
 from every part of the world. It speaks the same language, which embodies human emotions
such
 as sorrow, love, and joy.
For example
, some viral
music
 in foreign languages in our country signifies how it speaks our minds and hearts rather than just a human language.
Moreover
,
music
 has become the universal language that unites
people
 worldwide, regardless of nationality, race, religion, or creed. The foundations, notes, and melodic elements of
music
 are similar worldwide. Recent research reveals that humans all over the world share the same universal musical grammar. So,
people
 worldwide can comprehend the messages of
music
 regardless of its origin. The
music
 brings nations of disparate cultures together through an overwhelming urge for solidarity, freedom, and a sense of optimism.
On the other hand
,
music
 is not good at reconciling the generation gap. In fact, from empirical evidence, most
people
 are inclined to enjoy the songs from their formative stages, and they very often look upon the current vogue of
music
 with disdain. Every epoch has its
music
 trend that profoundly shapes a particular paradigm of thought.
People
 tend to pick specific songs and singers that relate to a certain period of their lives.
To sum up
, I believe that
music
 is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between
people
, irrespective of culture, age, or country.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are logically organized and presented. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed with relevant information.
coherence cohesion
Refrain from making contradictory statements within your essay that might confuse the reader or weaken the argument.
task achievement
Work on expanding the development of your supporting ideas with more specific examples that are directly tied to the question prompt.
task achievement
Be sure to maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay. If you strongly agree with the statement, as you've indicated, avoid introducing opposing viewpoints without clearly refuting them or explaining their relevance to your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: