In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibiliry. What are your opinions on this?

#countries #children #work #people #responsibiliry

Nowadays, more and more adolescents are working for salaries or to maintain

job

skills,

however

, some individuals claim

that is

totally wrong

while

others say it is valuable to

job

experience

, necessary for discipline and educating.

This

essay will provide my own opinion with relevant examples leading to the second community.

To begin

with, there are many reasons to criticize young age students who are working.

Nonetheless

, by

this

, learners can get

job

experience

sooner, than their peers.

For example

, employers always ask future employees about their

job

experience

, even if the participant has graduated from university, giving their preference to the person who has

experience

and high results.

In addition

, bosses ask for work knowledge for at least 3 or 5 years, for that reason many young teenagers work from their childhood.

Furthermore

, scholars have the opportunity to get high-paying jobs sooner than others and get high demand from big companies that are searching for professionals with high basic knowledge.

Additionally

, children are becoming more disciplined and are able to take more responsibilities for themselves.

Consequently

, the person will become more independent and will have more confidence in the

job

atmosphere in the future.

For instance

, current research made by the National American University of Psychology showed that young age attendees appreciate and divide finances more correctly,

as a result

, having greater chances to achieve financial success.

Moreover

, many families have financial problems situations, where children are forced to work and provide vital things to the house, especially in third-world countries or disadvantaged households. In summary, working at a young age provides many advantages in adulthood, it is definitely worth it, even if seems hard and “bad” for youngsters.

Submitted by filwayy on Sat Sep 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Be cautious with repetitive sentence structures to enhance readability.

lexical resource

Consider varying your vocabulary to avoid repetition of phrases such as 'job experience' and 'financial success', which could improve the sophistication of your argument.

grammatical range and accuracy

Although your arguments are strong, ensuring grammatical variety and accuracy can further enhance your text. Look out for mixed verb tenses and articles.

introduction

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for a balanced discussion on the topic.

supporting details

You did well to provide specific examples and reasons supporting your arguments, adhering closely to the IELTS essay structure.

conclusion

Your conclusion succinctly summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing the stance you have taken throughout the essay.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

8.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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