IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school .Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#students #phones #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people have conflicting views about the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.I completely agree with the opinion that it should be prohibited for a number of reasons. First of all, teenagers could be distracted by their
phones
Use synonyms
.These days, many smartphones can integrate different entertainment and social network applications. If it is allowed to
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at schools, students may not resist the lure of playing online games, chatting and using social platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,Facebook and others.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may tend to become mobile phone addicts, passive which leads to their worst performance at
school
Use synonyms
. Another problem associated with the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 is that they enable students to cheat during tests.In fact, with the popularity of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, many students commence being lazy and depending on the support of these devices. Needless to say, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are not only used for communication, but they are
also
Linking Words
 used as entertainment and learning tools we carry our smartphones everywhere and it gives us a sense of safety. In conclusion, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are great tools to communicate, feel safe and learn.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that a ban on the
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 because it is highly likely to pose several thorny problems
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will enhance your task achievement by making your points more relatable and tangible to the reader.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is clear, but you might consider using more varied linking words and phrases to further improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, creating a strong framework for the essay.
logical structure
The essay presents a coherent argument with logical sequencing and appropriate paragraphing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: