Fast food is becoming a part of people's daily life everwhere, and this has had negative effects on our lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree?
Public concern regarding
cosuming
junk foods Correct your spelling
consuming
in
a daily basis is increasingly topical since most people argue that Change preposition
on
this
issue has drawbacks for individuals. I thoroughly agree with the aforementioned issue due to
the negative side on
people's Change preposition
of
health
and incrasing
expenditure.
Correct your spelling
increasing
Firstly
, consuming fast meals will generate chronic disease by absorbing harmful substances in
human being bodies. The reason is that junk foods consist of a high level of sugars which grow consumers's weight and lead them to Change preposition
into
obbese
. Correct your spelling
obesity
Therefore
, the
obesity affects Correct article usage
apply
persons
by Replace the word
people
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
of
blood pressure and attacking their hearts. Taking Japan as one example, McKinsey reported in 2008 that many patients suffered chronic aches because of the high level of sugar Change preposition
apply
consisted
in fast dishes.
Verb problem
consumed
Secondly
, people have to spend more budgets to pay medicines
and medical treatments if they get Change preposition
for medicines
health
problems caused by having
junk Verb problem
eating
foods
. Fix the agreement mistake
food
This
is because the drugs for releasing symtoms
and general Correct your spelling
symptoms
practioners'
costs are expensive. Correct your spelling
practitioners'
Thus
, the money they should have to save for considerable allocation have
to Correct subject-verb agreement
has
paid
for Add a missing verb
be paid
sunkcost
because of Correct your spelling
sunk cost
sunk-cost
health
problems.
To sum up
, consuming fast dishes has negative effects not only on individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
health
but also
in
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
a persons'
persons'
spending. Change noun form
person's
This
is because they will suffer health
problems in lives
and have to Correct pronoun usage
their lives
alocate
more income to purchase drugs and doctors' Correct your spelling
allocate
locate
service
.Fix the agreement mistake
services
Submitted by akunyesikafikan1814 on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay generally follows a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the argument. Additionally, greater variety in connecting phrases would improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened with a clearer thesis statement and a more definitive conclusion that summarizes the essay's main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the depth of analysis could be improved by elaborating further on how the evidence supports your argument. Make sure to explain why the examples you provide are significant and how they unequivocally validate your points.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, there's room for more detailed development of ideas. Ensure that your argument directly responds to the question prompt throughout the essay, avoiding any tangential content.
task achievement
Ideas are presented with some clarity and comprehension, but strive for more clarity and precision in your argument. Use specific and concrete language to articulate your points clearly, avoiding vague or generic statements.
task achievement
Incorporating more relevant and specific examples would enhance your task achievement score. Examples should be clearly linked to your argument and directly support your viewpoint on the impact of fast food, ideally with up-to-date and credible sources.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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