Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that there are a number of varied
subjects
for
children
in schools. There is an ongoing debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
different areas like
music
, art, and
drama
should be given equal priority similar to academic
subjects
in schools. I strongly agree with
this
opinion because
this
helps
children
to have alternative career options and
also
they play the role of extracurricular activities for relaxation from their regular studies.
Firstly
, prioritizing
music
, art, and
drama
equally with other
subjects
increases options for
children
for their future careers.
This
is because some of the
children
might face difficulties in scoring good marks in
subjects
like mathematics and science, which will make them lose interest in their studies. Teaching other
subjects
like
music
, arts, and
drama
helps them to explore their interest and excel in that specific area. A.R. Rahman,
for instance
, a renowned musician learnt
music
during his school days
along with
academics.
Secondly
, extracurricular activities act as a mode of relaxation for students. These activities help them to deviate themselves for a
while
once they are exhausted after learning different
subjects
continuously as part of their curriculum.
For instance
, Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft proposed that he used to learn
music
during his school days, which helped him to rejuvenate and focus better
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
his academics.
To conclude
,
although
subjects
like mathematics, and science help to establish a better future for
children
, I strongly believe that other areas like
music
, art and
drama
play a crucial role in making
children
explore alternative career options and
also
help them to relax outside of their hectic schedule in order to perform better in their academics.
Submitted by dillirao.nakka.canada on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Include a balance of arguments and examples on the importance and impact of music, art, and drama in schools.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by ensuring paragraphs are well-connected with a range of cohesive devices. Paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the next, with clear topic sentences that offer seamless transitions.
Cohesion
Cohesion can be strengthened by varying sentence structures and ensuring consistent use of pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition. This will make the text more engaging to read and as a result, more effective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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