Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that there are a number of varied
subjects
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for
children
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in schools. There is an ongoing debate
whether
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about whether
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different areas like
music
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, art, and
drama
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should be given equal priority similar to academic
subjects
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in schools. I strongly agree with
this
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opinion because
this
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helps
children
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to have alternative career options and
also
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they play the role of extracurricular activities for relaxation from their regular studies.
Firstly
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, prioritizing
music
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, art, and
drama
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equally with other
subjects
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increases options for
children
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for their future careers.
This
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is because some of the
children
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might face difficulties in scoring good marks in
subjects
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like mathematics and science, which will make them lose interest in their studies. Teaching other
subjects
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like
music
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, arts, and
drama
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helps them to explore their interest and excel in that specific area. A.R. Rahman,
for instance
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, a renowned musician learnt
music
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during his school days
along with
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academics.
Secondly
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, extracurricular activities act as a mode of relaxation for students. These activities help them to deviate themselves for a
while
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once they are exhausted after learning different
subjects
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continuously as part of their curriculum.
For instance
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, Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft proposed that he used to learn
music
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during his school days, which helped him to rejuvenate and focus better
in
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on
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his academics.
To conclude
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,
although
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subjects
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like mathematics, and science help to establish a better future for
children
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, I strongly believe that other areas like
music
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, art and
drama
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play a crucial role in making
children
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explore alternative career options and
also
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help them to relax outside of their hectic schedule in order to perform better in their academics.
Submitted by dillirao.nakka.canada on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Include a balance of arguments and examples on the importance and impact of music, art, and drama in schools.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by ensuring paragraphs are well-connected with a range of cohesive devices. Paragraphs should flow naturally from one to the next, with clear topic sentences that offer seamless transitions.
Cohesion
Cohesion can be strengthened by varying sentence structures and ensuring consistent use of pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition. This will make the text more engaging to read and as a result, more effective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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