IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The way children spend their free time has been altered by new technologies. Are the benefits of this greater than the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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The existence of new technologies has altered how
children
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 allocate their free time. These changes have brought about both
benefits
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 and drawbacks consequences. In my opinion, the
benefits
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 that
technology
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 offers to young individuals surpass any disadvantages. On one hand,
technology
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 provides
children
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 with access to a wide range of entertaining resources. There are numerous games that stimulate
children
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's cognitive abilities and problem-solving skills. These apps often incorporate interactive elements,
such
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 as quizzes, puzzles, and challenges.
For instance
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, Roblox is the most popular game among
children
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 that leads the
children
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 to express their creativity and imagination with the implementation of science,
technology
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, engineering and math.
Additionally
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, the
children
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also
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 can interact with other
children
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 from around the world which can broaden their perspective and enhance their communication skills in other languages.
On the other hand
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, overreliance on
technology
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 for entertainment can lead
t
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to
 a sedentary lifestyle and a lack of physical exercise, negatively impacting
children
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’s health. A study by the UK Academy of Pediatrics found that excessive screen time and sedentary behaviour in
children
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 are associated with an increased risk of obesity, sleep problems, and poor academic performance. To promote a healthy balance,
children
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 should engage in offline activities
such
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 as outdoor play, sports, reading, and hobbies. By adding these activities to their daily routine, kids can have a balanced and healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
technology
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 has myriad
benefits
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 to entertain
children
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 and educate them simultaneously.
However
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, it is crucial to promote a healthy balance between
technology
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 use and offline activities to ensure
children
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’s physical and social development. By doing so,
children
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 can enjoy the
benefits
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 of
technology
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while
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 still engaging in a diverse range of entertaining and enriching experiences.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the points you will discuss in your essay. This helps the reader to understand your position and follow your argument more easily.
logical structure
To achieve a higher score in logical structure, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic, and use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs.
supported main points
Support your main points with a mix of general statements and specific, detailed examples. Make sure these examples are directly relevant to the point you are making, and explain how they support your argument.
complete response
You have provided a response to all parts of the task, demonstrating a clear position throughout the response. To strengthen your essay, work on developing your ideas further and demonstrate a more complex understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have presented clear and comprehensive ideas, but to elevate your score, consider developing each point more fully with explanations or examples that show a higher degree of critical thinking and reflection.
relevant specific examples
You have used relevant examples, which is good. Aim to integrate these examples seamlessly into your argument, making clear and explicit connections to your main points to demonstrate their relevance and impact.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • educational resources
  • technological skills
  • face-to-face interactions
  • communication skills
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • inappropriate content
  • mental and emotional well-being
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