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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think we should do more to prevent crimes, while others believe that we can do little for this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crimes
When it comes to crime prevention, some people claim that more efforts should be made to prevent criminal behaviours,
while
 others think it is hard to avoid
such
 problems. The following paragraphs are going to show the reasons respectively and illustrate my opinion. On one hand, there are several useful ways to prevent crime.
To begin
 with, it is meaningful and necessary to make practical and strict policies and laws as these actions play roles of caution. Those who have done something against the rules ought to receive severe punishment and at the same time , the evilly intended people may be afraid of the punishment and give up the wrong thoughts.
In addition
, setting up
complete
Correct article usage
a complete
show examples
 mental care system can
also
 make sense.
For example
, part of teenagers with violent inclinations may be affected by the bad environment around them or suffer from inhumane treatment. In these cases, it is obviously proper to offer psychological therapy for early prevention, compared to measures taken after illegal actions.
On the other hand
, there are situations in which criminal behaviour is difficult to intervene.
First,
some are born with crime genes.
For instance
, they may have hypermale syndrome and the gene drives them to have serious violent inclination without control. It is meaningless to use mental treatment to avoid their sinful thoughts and actions because they are destined to follow
this
 path.
Moreover
, there are still a large number of residents living in economically hard areas with problems of survival. They have no choice but to do burglary. It is universally known that economic development needs to take a long time to improve, and
this
 inevitable and regrettable situation will continue for an unpredictable period. In my opinion, it can’t be denied that we have to face various difficult problems
such
 as gene defects and poverty on our way to avoid illegal behaviour,
however
, there are always ways to do more prevention and mitigate
this
 bad situation. The government is supposed to provide better and better social care. It does help to ease poor residents’ survival pressure, so it is unnecessary for them to steal goods from others. And for those criminals who are out of control, related departments should pay more attention and keep a lookout for them.
This
 will prevent
further
 damage in time and make them serve a prison sentence.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression in your essay by having distinct transitions between points. Expand upon your ideas in a more connected way to improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but ensure they are well-rounded and fully encapsulate the essence of the essay for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and better-developed explanations to enhance clarity and depth in your essay.
task achievement
You have responded to the task properly by discussing both views and giving your own opinion. For an even higher score, make sure your opinion is well-integrated throughout the essay rather than tacked on at the end.
task achievement
Present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively by exploring each one more deeply. This can be done through detailed analysis and further discussion.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points. They should be clear, relevant to the argument, and embedded smoothly within the context of your discussions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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