IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #numbers
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It is believed that one of the best solutions in order to develop a country is free
education
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 for six
years
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. Through
this
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, they can do basic things like counting numbers, writing, and reading. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion and
this
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 essay will discuss the reasons.
Although
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 providing free
education
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 for up to 6 six
years
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 can tackle some problems,
such
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 as index human development, it cannot reduce
poverty
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 in a significant ratio. Indeed, reading and writing are essential,
however
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, those
skills
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 need to be developed alongside some
skills
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. Indonesia,
for instance
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, has the third largest population in the world and
a
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is a
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developing country which has a problem with
poverty
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.
This
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 country applies regulations that people have to be in formal
education
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 at least for 12
years
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.
Nonetheless
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, the number of
poverty
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 does not fall down.
Furthermore
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, in
this
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 4.0 industrial generation, the core criteria that many manufacturers looking for is
skills
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. They found a person who has magnificent
skills
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,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 adaptability, analyzing big data, metadata, accounting, or planning; which means their criteria are not only reading, writing, and counting numbers.
To sum up
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, it can be seen that providing free
education
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 for just only 6
years
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 is not the best solution to reduce
poverty
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. Indeed, the number of people who cannot read will decrease, but it is not enough to reduce
poverty
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. The best solution for every nation to reduce
this
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 problem is improving their
skills
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 that are contextual in
this
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 era. Because, practising some
skills
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, will elevate their basic abilities.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is supported with relevant examples. For example, while you mention Indonesia's education system, further specific data or evidence about its impact would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. For instance, elaborate more on the connection between industrial skills and poverty reduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow. Sometimes, the transition from one idea to another may seem abrupt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize the main arguments.
task achievement
You provide a counterargument and clarify your stance, which demonstrates critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
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