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Band 7

Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
Some
people
 assert that
children
 should be allowed to make mistakes in their lives. But some
people
 argue that they are not permitted to do so. I find that I disagree towards the latter school of thought. In the paragraphs to come, I shall talk about both views and put forth my thoughts on
this
 topic. On the one hand, there are many who believe that
children
 should be strictly supervised so they will not make mistakes.
This
 is understandable since they are not mature enough to do tasks on their own. Cooking,
for example
, they can not make any missteps on
this
 occasion because it is dangerous for them. In
this
 case, adults should pay extra attention to ensure they are safe.
On the other hand
, kids are in their early stage of learning. Trial and error enables them to collect a lot of data about what they should and should not do in the future. By doing
this
, in the future, they will become prudential and reliable
people
. An example of
this
 is the experience of learning to drive a bicycle, they are vulnerable to fall in
this
 event, but they become experts as the training hours increase.
This
 concept is applied to all matters, not only the learning to drive encounters.
Hence
, I believe
children
 can take many lessons from the freedom of mistakes. To summarise, even though
children
 are often objected to as uncountable
people
, they deserve to obtain a lot of experiences so they can learn from them.
Submitted by erniwbs on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally presents a logical flow of ideas but could benefit from clearer and more varied transitions between sentences and paragraphs. You should work on creating more cohesive devices, such as linking words or phrases, which can help to signal the relationship between ideas more effectively.
task achievement
While you addressed the two sides of the argument and gave your own opinion, your response would be strengthened by directly addressing all aspects of the task more evenly. Ensure that each viewpoint is explored in sufficient depth, and your personal opinion is supported by stronger, more persuasive arguments and specific examples that clearly illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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