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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. It is a positive or negative development?

#life #development
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With the rapid
development
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 and diverse availability of
products
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 nowadays, advertisements are appearing more and more frequently for the purpose of helping those items access the consumers
in
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with
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 ease. From my perspective, I definitely see
this
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 as a positive sign because advertising helps
people
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 update new
products
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 and supports the increasing economy. First of all, advertising
development
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 brings convenience to residents when updating
products
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. To explain, advertisements are often broadcast by brands via different forms
such
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 as TV, social media or large screens on the streets, where
people
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 can easily see them.
Therefore
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, residents will have manifold options and conveniently make decisions on
products
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 that are suitable for themselves.
In addition
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, advertisements result in
people
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 understanding the uses of
products
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as well as
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 how to use them without having to try the items.
In contrast
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, if
people
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 do not know about
products
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, when they go to buy things they will have to hesitate a lot. Another benefit of product advertising is supporting economic growth. Advertising often has eye-catching visuals so
this
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 stimulates
people
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’s desire to experience the product. Thereby, supply and demand are strengthened and economic exchange develops.
Moreover
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, advertising
also
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 increases revenue for businesses and promotes scale expansion.
Furthermore
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, advertising enhances the
development
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 of media and creates jobs for models
as well as
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 videographers. In a nutshell, I am convinced that advertising popularity is a positive
development
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 because it supports residents’ lives and promotes economic growth
Submitted by huoglan10 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, which is good. However, you should work on creating more cohesive paragraphs with clearer topic sentences and transitions. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view and addressed both sides of the argument as to why advertising might be considered a positive development. To further improve, you could enrich your main points with more detailed and specific examples, which would help in illustrating your views more vividly and enhancing the overall effectiveness of your task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
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