IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. It is a positive or negative development?

#life #development
With the rapid
development
 and diverse availability of
products
 nowadays, advertisements are appearing more and more frequently for the purpose of helping those items access the consumers
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 ease. From my perspective, I definitely see
this
 as a positive sign because advertising helps
people
 update new
products
 and supports the increasing economy. First of all, advertising
development
 brings convenience to residents when updating
products
. To explain, advertisements are often broadcast by brands via different forms
such
 as TV, social media or large screens on the streets, where
people
 can easily see them.
Therefore
, residents will have manifold options and conveniently make decisions on
products
 that are suitable for themselves.
In addition
, advertisements result in
people
 understanding the uses of
products
as well as
 how to use them without having to try the items.
In contrast
, if
people
 do not know about
products
, when they go to buy things they will have to hesitate a lot. Another benefit of product advertising is supporting economic growth. Advertising often has eye-catching visuals so
this
 stimulates
people
’s desire to experience the product. Thereby, supply and demand are strengthened and economic exchange develops.
Moreover
, advertising
also
 increases revenue for businesses and promotes scale expansion.
Furthermore
, advertising enhances the
development
 of media and creates jobs for models
as well as
 videographers. In a nutshell, I am convinced that advertising popularity is a positive
development
 because it supports residents’ lives and promotes economic growth
Submitted by huoglan10 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, which is good. However, you should work on creating more cohesive paragraphs with clearer topic sentences and transitions. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view and addressed both sides of the argument as to why advertising might be considered a positive development. To further improve, you could enrich your main points with more detailed and specific examples, which would help in illustrating your views more vividly and enhancing the overall effectiveness of your task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
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