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Band 7.5

It is better for college students to live on campus than live at home with their parents. To what extent do you agree with this idea?

#college #students #campus #home #parents #idea
Forging bonds is a basic human characteristic that allows us to socialize and interact with strangers. Undoubtedly, college
students
' years are vital for correct social development. I believe that the advantages of living on campus are more beneficial for
students
.
Firstly
, living with individuals who are unknown to you translates to a different, and respectful treat.
Although
 you might meet your family's expectations and rules, dealing with a shared space with new people is a challenging experience as the student facing
this
 uncommon situation has to come to new agreements with his/her roommates.
In contrast
, if you were living at your parents' house, you would not deal with a new human interaction, what it involves, and the learning coming from it. I strongly agree with youngsters confronting complicated situations for the sake of their growth.
Secondly
, studying away from home forges character and responsibility. As those values might be already within someone's life, the reality is that said values are deeply enhanced.
For instance
, I can compare family members who lived on campus and the ones who did not. The first ones have advanced rapidly in their careers as they do not fear changes,
whereas
 the second ones are usually afraid of challenges.
Thus
, I think going away has a huge impact on the future for anybody. In conclusion, I strongly support young
students
 who leave their comfort behind and look for new environments. Not only do they grow exponentially as individuals but they
also
 improve their visions about the world.
Hence
, if I could offer you one tip for whether
students
 stay or leave, starting a new life would be it.
Submitted by gerunch on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position throughout, more varied in-depth examples and a thorough examination of the opposing view could enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and connectors are used effectively; however, occasionally, ideas could be better expanded upon for enhanced clarity and elaboration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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