Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that authorities must allocate the significant majority of the budget to public services
instead
of Linking Words
arts
as music and plays as they are squandering the local income uselessly. I strongly disapprove of Use synonyms
this
opinion, as I have a strong conviction that Linking Words
arts
is an integral Use synonyms
part
of our Use synonyms
society
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, the importance of Linking Words
arts
is self-evidently and can guarantee a better environment. Use synonyms
Arts
like music and theatre can motivate audiences to work hard to reach their fullest potential. Use synonyms
For example
, if someone is stressed or tensed, he can listen to any piece of music or watch a movie to enhance his mood and unwind, Linking Words
consequently
, Linking Words
this
will give him a sense of satisfaction and relief and enhance his productivity. So managing the finances to allocate Linking Words
part
of it to the art section is not a waste of money because Use synonyms
arts
Use synonyms
plays
an essential role in the development of Change the verb form
play
society
and its growth.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, there is no doubt that monitoring public services Linking Words
such
as sanitation, road pavement, refurbishing hospitals and schools are not only important but vital for citizens, but Linking Words
arts
should have their own share of Use synonyms
this
attention because it helps Linking Words
people
to foster a sense of self belonging. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, when individuals go to a museum or exhibition, and touch the sculptures, they will feel that they are a Linking Words
part
of the community and they complete what their ancestors had started. Use synonyms
Consequently
, Linking Words
this
feeling of self-identity will encourage him to work more to build a safer world for the next generation. Naturally, the more Linking Words
people
work with ethics, the more their Use synonyms
society
will cultivate, and Use synonyms
this
is all because of the sentimental value that Linking Words
arts
give to the recipient. All in all, Use synonyms
arts
play a profound role in fostering self-identity, Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
is why it is important not to ignore it and finance it.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
which
people
must live in a civilized Use synonyms
society
that respects their rights and their needs by investing in primary need sectors like public services, but I hold the opinion that it is Use synonyms
also
pivotal to economise and cut down Linking Words
part
of it to art section because it is the heirlooms that are passing down from one generation to another, and because it is cultivating self-identity and self belonging Use synonyms
as well as
encourage Linking Words
people
to do more effort in their workplace to live a fulfilment life.Use synonyms
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structural
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While your essay includes these elements, it would benefit from a more concise introduction and a stronger, summarised conclusion that echoes the thesis without repetition.
development
In the body sections, keep each paragraph focused on a single idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. While the essay contains relevant ideas, they should be developed more thoroughly with clearer topic sentences and more focused supporting sentences.
cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next; however, avoid overusing them and ensure that they are not the primary means of achieving coherence. Some sentences in the essay appeared abrupt; connections between ideas need to be smoother.
task-response
Complete the task by fully answering all parts of the question. The essay should address all aspects of the prompt clearly. Include a balanced view if the question asks for agreement or disagreement, and substantiate arguments with examples. You presented an opinion but could have elaborated more on the counter-argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.