Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that authorities must allocate the significant majority of the budget to public services
instead
of arts
as music and plays as they are squandering the local income uselessly. I strongly disapprove of this
opinion, as I have a strong conviction that arts
is an integral part
of our society
.
Firstly
, the importance of arts
is self-evidently and can guarantee a better environment. Arts
like music and theatre can motivate audiences to work hard to reach their fullest potential. For example
, if someone is stressed or tensed, he can listen to any piece of music or watch a movie to enhance his mood and unwind, consequently
, this
will give him a sense of satisfaction and relief and enhance his productivity. So managing the finances to allocate part
of it to the art section is not a waste of money because arts
plays
an essential role in the development of Change the verb form
play
society
and its growth.
Secondly
, there is no doubt that monitoring public services such
as sanitation, road pavement, refurbishing hospitals and schools are not only important but vital for citizens, but arts
should have their own share of this
attention because it helps people
to foster a sense of self belonging. Furthermore
, when individuals go to a museum or exhibition, and touch the sculptures, they will feel that they are a part
of the community and they complete what their ancestors had started. Consequently
, this
feeling of self-identity will encourage him to work more to build a safer world for the next generation. Naturally, the more people
work with ethics, the more their society
will cultivate, and this
is all because of the sentimental value that arts
give to the recipient. All in all, arts
play a profound role in fostering self-identity, that
is why it is important not to ignore it and finance it.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
which
people
must live in a civilized society
that respects their rights and their needs by investing in primary need sectors like public services, but I hold the opinion that it is also
pivotal to economise and cut down part
of it to art section because it is the heirlooms that are passing down from one generation to another, and because it is cultivating self-identity and self belonging as well as
encourage people
to do more effort in their workplace to live a fulfilment life.Submitted by massaasaad7 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structural
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. While your essay includes these elements, it would benefit from a more concise introduction and a stronger, summarised conclusion that echoes the thesis without repetition.
development
In the body sections, keep each paragraph focused on a single idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. While the essay contains relevant ideas, they should be developed more thoroughly with clearer topic sentences and more focused supporting sentences.
cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next; however, avoid overusing them and ensure that they are not the primary means of achieving coherence. Some sentences in the essay appeared abrupt; connections between ideas need to be smoother.
task-response
Complete the task by fully answering all parts of the question. The essay should address all aspects of the prompt clearly. Include a balanced view if the question asks for agreement or disagreement, and substantiate arguments with examples. You presented an opinion but could have elaborated more on the counter-argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.