In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In many nations,
children
are regularly told that they can achieve success if they work hard enough.
Use synonyms
This
essay will elaborate on both the advantages and disadvantages of Linking Words
this
idea, leading to a logical conclusion.
Teaching Linking Words
children
that they can succeed through hard work offers two main advantages. Use synonyms
Firstly
, the Linking Words
children
who embrace Use synonyms
this
belief become more happy in life. Linking Words
This
is because as they experience the genuine pleasure of achieving something they truly desire ,their enjoyment of life increases.
Linking Words
For example
, in China, most of the young ones are raised by Linking Words
this
thought as research shows that they have the happiest child rate. Another advantage of Linking Words
this
is that they become more ambitious which leads to better career opportunities and better quality education. Linking Words
According to
a recent poll that has been done at the University of Harvard, 80% of the students believe that they can achieve whatever they want as long as they try harder.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the main drawback is they get more exhausted. Most of the Linking Words
children
who have that opinion tend to get their desire and Use synonyms
this
process makes them drained. Linking Words
Furthermore
, if they don't make it, they become more depressive and less hopeful which affects their future in a terrible way.
Linking Words
For instance
, Linking Words
children
who failed many times in IELTS, the international English language testing system, tend to believe that they won't be able to get the score they want. Use synonyms
Secondly
, they become greedy as they want to achieve more. Linking Words
As a consequence
, they might become less emotional which would affect their relationships.
Linking Words
This
essay argued that teaching Linking Words
children
they can achieve anything by trying harder has both benefits and drawbacks. Even though it might be beneficial for them, disadvantages can affect their life too.Use synonyms
Submitted by edzcls on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room to improve the flow and effectiveness of information presentation. Work on creating more cohesive transitions between the paragraphs and developing a more convincing argument by fully elaborating on the ideas presented.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate, you have mentioned both advantages and disadvantages but the development of ideas could be more thorough. Consider expanding on the specific examples and ensure that they are entirely relevant to the point you are trying to make. This will demonstrate a better task achievement and a clearer understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.