The average standard of the people is likely to be lower in the future than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give your reasons and include relevant examples.
It is often stated that the average
life
standard of the people
is going to decline in future
compared to their present situation. I strongly agree with the above statement. In this
essay, I will be exploring my opinion with some examples.
Firstly
, the work
stress and the workload of the people
is one of the reasons that might decline the living standard of the people
in upcoming
days. In Correct article usage
the upcoming
another words
, the continuous workload and the stress Replace the adjective
another word
other words
people
are acquiring from their workplace has direct
impact on their mental Add an article
a direct
health
. Whenever they come to work
, they face various problems and lots of expectations from their employer. In this
scenario, there are not any other ways to escape from their overloaded work
. This
is one of the reasons they deal with various mental health
issues. For instance
, nurses working in aged-care
in Australia are provided with various responsibilities including medication, GP consultation, new admission criteria if there is any new resident, care plan evaluation, family consultation and leading the whole team including PCA, cleaner and kitchen staff in their one shift. These allocated responsibilities create pressure and stress on them which directly affect their mental Correct your spelling
aged care
health
. Thus
, the mental health
problems caused from
Change preposition
by
people
’s work
directly impact on
their living conditions in Change preposition
apply
future
.
Secondly
, the reliance of the
Correct article usage
apply
people
in
technological Change preposition
on
product
like mobile, Fix the agreement mistake
products
Correct word choice
and computer
computer
, Fix the agreement mistake
computers
also
affect
the Change the verb form
affects
life
standard of the
Correct article usage
apply
people
. Nowadays, people
are mostly relying on these products for their work
, study and entertainment. They spent
most of their time on screen Wrong verb form
spend
that
might cause them to deal with numerous different ailments. Correct pronoun usage
which
For instance
, office workers are mostly spending their time in front of the computer each day accumulating their over time
. Correct your spelling
overtime
This
situation various serious problems with their eyesight, backbone, and shoulder
in Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
coming
days.
In Correct article usage
the coming
nutshell
, overuse of Correct article usage
a nutshell
the
technologies and Correct article usage
apply
work
pressure are the most important factors in degrading
Add an article
the degrading
quality
of the Correct article usage
the quality
people
in future
. It seems to be more important for people
to work
on their present life
so that they can upgrade their future
life
standard
.Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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coherence cohesion
There is a logical sequence to your ideas, yet transitions between paragraphs could be more fluid. Use cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the points to be discussed, and the conclusion summarizes the main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, strive to develop each argument comprehensively. Expand on ideas using a wider range of supporting details and explanations.
task achievement
While you addressed the topic, the response needs to be more fully rounded. This means covering all aspects of the prompt more completely and providing a more thorough explanation of your views.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they require more development. Aim for deeper analysis and a richer exploration of your points to convey a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples, which is good. To enhance your score, ensure that the examples are specific and illustrate the point convincingly. They should not only be clear, but also closely tied to the point they are supposed to support.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite