IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many companies use popular sports events to promote their products. Some people think it promotes sports in a positive way while others think that it has a negative effect on sports. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#companies #sports #events #products #people #effect
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In recent years, numerous companies have seized the opportunity to leverage popular
sports
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events
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 as platforms to promote their products.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 practice contributes positively to the world of
sports
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, others contend that it has detrimental effects.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and present my view that
while
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 sponsorship can provide benefits, the over-commercialization and branding associated with
such
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 promotions can have negative consequences. On the one hand, the involvement of companies in sponsoring
sports
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events
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 brings substantial financial support, which can enhance the quality of
sports
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 competitions, facilities, and training programs.
For instance
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, major corporations sponsoring the Olympics or the FIFA World Cup provide significant funds that contribute to the success of these
events
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, facilitating infrastructure development and ensuring the participation of athletes from various nations.
Furthermore
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, corporate partnerships can increase the global reach of
sports
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, making them more accessible and engaging to a broader audience.
On the other hand
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, the intense commercialization and branding that often accompany
such
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 sponsorships can undermine the essence of
sports
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, turning them into profit-driven enterprises rather than celebrations of skill and athleticism.
This
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 can lead to an undue emphasis on commercial interests, with
events
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 becoming overshadowed by advertising campaigns and product endorsements.
Additionally
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, excessive branding can create a disconnect between athletes and fans, as the focus shifts from sportsmanship to marketing strategies. In conclusion, the relationship between companies and
sports
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events
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 is multifaceted.
While
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 sponsorship can infuse financial support and global exposure into
sports
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, the risk of over-commercialization and branding should not be overlooked. Perhaps a regulated approach that limits the extent of branding and emphasizes the purity of sportsmanship would be an ideal solution in
this
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 context.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples and statistics to substantiate the arguments made. This will enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transition between ideas by employing transitional phrases and making clear connections. For example, using phrases like 'Moreover', 'In addition', or 'Conversely' could help in making the flow more seamless.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses both views and provides a well-argued personal opinion, contributing to task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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