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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the present day, remote work has become more popular due to technological advancement and global pandemics. Some suggest that this enhances employee's productivity and ensures work-life balance, while others argue it could lead to loneliness and working overtime.

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In the present day, remote
work
Use synonyms
 has become more popular
due to
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 technological advancement and global pandemics. Some suggest that
this
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 enhances
employee's
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employee
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 productivity and ensures
work
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-life balance,
while
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 others argue it could lead to loneliness and working overtime. In the following paragraphs, both points of view will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. The key benefit of distance
work
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 is the flexibility it gives, workers can allocate
work
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time
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 freely and choose any desirable place for
work
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, thereby providing more free
time
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 for engaging in personal activities
such
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 as playing with children, gardening or having dinner with family.
Additionally
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,
this
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 mode of
work
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 reduces commuting expenses and car maintenance costs,
causing
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apply
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improving employee well-being. In terms of social benefit, it decreases air pollution and traffic congestion and
also
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 promotes the economy in digital industries
such
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 as social networks, and food delivery companies.
Moreover
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 reducing the rate of contagious infection, especially easily spread viruses
such
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 as COVID-19 and influenza.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks to consider. Overworking and stressful
work
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 situations can occur,
as a result
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 of the lack of discipline. Separating
work
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 life and personal life could be difficult. Working in the same isolated environment like a home office every day and lack of social communication can result in loneliness or even mental health issues.
Moreover
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, working online requires effective
time
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 management and technological knowledge, which can be challenging for some people. In conclusion,
while
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 working from home offers various advantages,
for instance
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, flexibility, productivity, more leisure
time
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, reduced revenues, decreased finances, well-being improvement, reduced environmental issues and less contagious disease, it is important to consider the potential negative impacts on the general workers. If one has adaptability and discipline, remote working could be an excellent option,
however
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 face-to-face communication between colleges remains essential for ensuring good working relationships in the long term.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, try to ensure that your ideas flow even more smoothly between sentences to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have provided a thorough response to the task, discussing both sides of the argument. To improve, incorporate more specific examples or data to back up your points, which will make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer. For instance, 'causing improving employee well-being...' could be rephrased for better clarity. Consistently revising sentences for clarity would improve comprehension overall.
task achievement
Your essay covers multiple dimensions of the topic, showing good depth of understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, and each paragraph has a clear, singular focus.
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