In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message

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In some communities, people argue that

children

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should be taught that having hard work will make their dreams come true.

This

Linking Words

statement has a negative and positive impact that I will explain in

this

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essay. Suggesting to

children

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that they can pursue their dreams as long as they put a big effort into it will make them optimistic

Use synonyms

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

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Subsequently

Linking Words

, they will be brave to have a high dream in their lives.

For instance

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, a child from a low-income family aims to be a rich

person

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someday

although

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his family do not have enough money to give him an appropriate education.

As a result

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of the advice, the child will work hard to get a lot of money by working from one place to another where the wages are not high enough.

On the other hand

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, if in reality,

children

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can not make their goals come true, they will think that the ones who give the advice, are untrustworthy.

For example

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, a student joining a competition who already prepared and studied for a long time but eventually does not obtain any single award

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apply

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is more likely to have a mental breakdown and not believe in his supporting teacher anymore.

Moreover

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, the child is going to be a pessimistic

person

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and

finally

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does not want to

own

Verb problem

have

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higher goals in his life. In conclusion, suggesting

children

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to be hard workers

person

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so that they can reach their goals can be an advantage which is to gain their confidence in achieving their dream,

however

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, it can turn into disbelief when the dream is failed to get.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Tue Dec 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion were present but could be more clearly articulated to better introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical structure. Ideas should flow logically from one to the next, and each paragraph should focus on a clear main idea. Use linking phrases and topic sentences to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

Develop main points with more detailed support. While the essay mentions advantages and disadvantages, it should include more specific examples and explanations to illustrate these points.

task achievement

Address the task directly and ensure a complete response is provided. Be explicit in addressing both advantages and disadvantages as presented in the input material.

task achievement

Provide clear and comprehensive ideas. Expand on the points made to fully explore the advantages and disadvantages, ensuring each is well-explained and thought-out.

task achievement

Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. Draw on concrete examples to illustrate the outcomes of working hard and the potential pitfalls when promises are not met.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Include an introduction and conclusion

It is common that in many companies people from different ages work together in a same team. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantges?

What is the importance of the English language and should it be mandatory or not and what is the role of the government in protecting the nation language

some people say that students who achieve the highest scores in their exams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?