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Band 2

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #time #work #children
In
today
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today's
show examples
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
, one of the actual
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 is the proper upbringing of the young generation. There is a huge
belife
Correct your spelling
belief
 in modern
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
 that,
parents
 who spend a long
time
 at work cannot
upbringin
Correct your spelling
bring in
 their
children
. I fully agree with
this
 statement and I will elaborate my reasons including related examples from my knowledge and experience, in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with, increasing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technological industry impact constantly young'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different types of
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
.
Parents
 who have hard work in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 can't enough spend
time
 with their
children
 and
therefore
children
 spend
time
 in front of
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
.
For example
,
Change preposition
apply
show examples
According to
 research on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers revealed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
 who
neglected
Add a missing verb
are neglected
show examples
 by
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 are more asocial than others.
On the other hand
, spending
time
 with
children
 allows
parents
 to get to know their
children
 better. In
this
 case, they may be
awarness
Correct your spelling
aware
 their
children'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 problems and can help them to solve
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. In conclusion, spending a lot of
time
 with
children
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a great role in their life. In my opinion, every parent should be able to spend
time
 with their
children
.
Submitted by mikma on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state your position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear explanations and specific examples. Your current examples and explanations are somewhat general and lack depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main idea and that the paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the issue if the question requires it, and extend your response to include more depth and detail.
task achievement
Be specific in your examples and avoid overgeneralizations. Use data or anecdotal evidence to support your points where possible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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