IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether
people
Use synonyms
 should compete with each other or whether they ought to prioritize
cooperation
Use synonyms
 in certain circumstances in life. Personally,
while
Linking Words
cooperation
Use synonyms
 can strengthen
people
Use synonyms
's relationships and improve performance in the workplace, I prefer competition as it generates a considerable source of motivation. On the one hand, employees or
students'
Change noun form
students
show examples
 relationships are commendably necessary in projects that require everyone's involvement and objective
information
Use synonyms
 that can be obtained from teammates. In
this
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 case,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 proved to be more effective in those jobs,
people
Use synonyms
 who contribute to the same assignment can share their ideas
as well as
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 sort out useful
information
Use synonyms
 from others. To be more precise, teamwork projects usually consist of many procedures, namely compiling
information
Use synonyms
 or presentation, which is quite challenging to
be done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 with a single person;
therefore
Linking Words
, in collaboration settings, the team leader can allocate jobs for every person fairly and equally for the most efficient performance.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in the same group can have more conversations to get to know more about each other, creating an intimate workplace
as a result
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.
On the other hand
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, in terms of job promotion and self-development, collaborating with others is no longer a top priority, but competition between
people
Use synonyms
 becomes more crucial. Being stimulated by the sense of comparison with other employees in a competitive environment, more and more motivated and willing to complete given tasks to receive attention and recognition from their boss for promotion or honour.
Besides
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will focus more on themselves by widening their insights and skills to surpass others, which, ultimately, is intensely beneficial for their development.
To sum up
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,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is commendably helpful in the case of a multi-person project where much collective
information
Use synonyms
 can be achieved through collaboration between group peers.
In contrast
Linking Words
, personal objectives, namely promotions or honours, benefit the most from the motivation provided by competitions.

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task achievement
Make sure each main point is backed by more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas in your paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction outlines the essay clearly and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument well, showing understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You demonstrate a good logical structure and organization in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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