IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing housing problem in big city is a social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#city #consequences #people #government
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Nowadays, popularity is increasing quickly, especially in developing countries, which leads to the request for accommodation
also
 developing fast.
People
 tend to move to urban areas to work and study because of their utilities, which causes overcrowding in big cities. Some
people
 argue that only the government can tackle
this
 issue. In my view, I partly support
this
 opinion because of the following reasons. On the one hand, I believe that the government has the highest responsibility to solve
this
 problem because they create policies and rules to develop the country. They should discuss encouraging citizens to live in other areas
instead
 of focusing on the same places. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
underdeveloped provinces, local
people
 need support for housing, finance, education and so on, which helps them have good conditions to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
For example
, in Vietnam, domestic communities, who live in mountainous regions, are supported with accommodation, food and water
while
 children don't pay any fee for education.
On the other hand
,
people
 should contribute their ability to decrease the pressure of metropolises. After students have done an education program,
instead
 of staying there, local
people
 can come back to their province to develop their hometown. In reality, there are lots of students chosen and succeeded with that path. With the above solution, popularity will go down in big cities leading to a decrease in the request for accommodation.
Moreover
, the government only sets policies and to have good results, we need the support of the residents In conclusion, the increasing housing problem in big cities is a serious issue, it causes many negative consequences negatively for everyone.
Therefore
, all
people
 need to join hands to solve it.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear main idea, and consistently develop that idea with specific examples and explanations throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more naturally and enhance the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a balanced view on the extent to which you agree or disagree, and reinforce your position in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples that are fully developed and directly relevant to the central arguments of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of spelling, word choice, and sentence structure to avoid errors that can obscure the intended meaning or create confusion.
task achievement
Review the use of 'popularity' in the context of your essay, as it might have been a typographical error for 'population'. Correct terminology is essential for clarity and precision.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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