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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studyng abroad outweigh the disadvantages?

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More and more college pupils go to overseas to study. I believe
this
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 is good for your career, and I will discuss both the merits and demerits in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, going to other countries for learning is a good idea because you have to rely on yourself. You must learn how to be independent.
Furthermore
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, you need to cook, live, and travel on your own. It is a big challenge for them. On top of that, using a second
language
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 is good for most of us. If you have lived in a nation
that is
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 speaking another
language
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, people may think you might master
this
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language
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. It is difficult to understand a new
language
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.
Besides
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, you can visit the famous tourist spots during your vacations. It is awesome, because you can stay they for a longer time.
On the other hand
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, studying abroad is super expensive, and not everyone can afford it. Only the richer people have the money for their education. How can poor people have a chance to do it? I remember using exchange student programs may
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their dreams.
For example
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, my mate, Cokie who is a woman, is interested in Korean culture. She went to Soul University for her master's courses. She joined the program which is supported by her school. It did not cost a lot of money to do it.
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, she only paid a little money for it. Not every school has
this
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 plan, and my college is a case. In a nutshell, studying in a different country can broaden your horizons. You will think differently, be more mature, gain more knowledge, and so on.
However
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, school fees are costly, and not everyone is able to pay them. Someone has financial difficulties. But you still have other ways to solve these problems.
Overall
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, I think you will have more benefits if you leave your homeland for
educating
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education
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.

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Structure
Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure, starting from a topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence to wrap up the idea.
Transition
Aim to refine the transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs to make your argument flow more naturally.
Introduction/Conclusion
Consider expanding your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your opinion and summarize the key points of your argument.
Language
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and aim for precision in language to improve the clarity of your ideas.
Grammar
Be mindful of subject-verb agreement and other grammatical structures to enhance the quality of your writing.
Examples
Provided good examples to support arguments.
Content Coverage
Addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
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