In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
It is often said to the young
people
that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This
essay will suggest that attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
such
as never give
up and Wrong verb form
giving
ambitious
are the biggest Add a missing verb
being ambitious
advantages
of this
, but mental health
and the risk of doing some crime are the primary disadvantages
The main advantages
of working hard for our goals are we will be ambitious and never give up. The children who have big ambitions to reach what they want will focus solely toward
their goal. They will never postpone things that can help their growth, and never shy around Change preposition
on
to do
anything that can help them. Change preposition
from doing
Also
, someone who have
big ambition is someone who never Change the verb form
has
give
up, they will get up when they fall. A prime example of Change the verb form
gives
this
is Thomas Alva Edison, he is the founder of lamp
, It is said that he tried more than 1000 times, Add an article
the lamp
a lamp
this
Correct word choice
and this
persistance
Correct your spelling
persistence
lead
to the development of Wrong verb form
led
lamp
that we use today.
Despite those Correct article usage
the lamp
advantages
, people
often geot
mental Correct your spelling
get
got
health
problem
and do criminal things to achieve their Fix the agreement mistake
problems
goal
. Fear of failing or not Fix the agreement mistake
goals
try
hard enough will lead some Wrong verb form
trying
people
getting
mental Change the verb form
to get
health
problems such
as anxiety and depression. This
problem caused
by peer pressure and Add a missing verb
was caused
judgemental
environment that made a lot of Correct article usage
a judgemental
people
stressed. In this
case, they will tried
to do anything even Change the verb form
try
tjough
they know it is breaking the law. Correct your spelling
though
For instance
, an employee to got
Verb problem
has
higher
income will often do anything Correct article usage
a higher
such
as helping their superiors to fake the financial reports, and as the
Correct article usage
a
payment
the superiors will give them Add a comma
payment,
higher
bonus or promotion.
Correct article usage
a higher
To conclude
, working hard to achieve anything that we want can be advantages
if it gives Replace the word
advantageous
peopkle
hardworking and ambitious nature. Correct your spelling
people
However
, they should be careful that it will nos
Correct your spelling
not
stressed
them out to get mental Wrong verb form
stress
health
problems or breaking the law.Submitted by nientjeninan on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow between ideas could be clearer. In some instances, it seems like thoughts are disconnected, and transitions between points could be smoother. It would benefit from more varied conjunctions and better topic sentence construction to guide the reader through your argument more coherently.
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages as required. However, the depth of your ideas is somewhat limited, and your examples are not fully developed. In a higher band response, you would need to elaborate on your points more thoroughly and provide more detailed examples to illustrate your argument effectively. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that all parts of the task are addressed equally.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?