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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Sporting is one of the most
sports
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 people tend to learn to improve their status
health
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. Some people want to do exercise in
fitness
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 clubs and gyms. But, another thing that will have a little negative effect on the healthy life. In my opinion,
this
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 statement actually is hard to mention which could have more benefits than accepting. So, I will give my view of twain argument and dealing with problems with that. On the one hand, having many ways to improve human
health
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 not only taking part in
fitness
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 and joining a gym club, will increase your living cost. For a good example, it is so expensive to pay if you take part in that clubs, You not only pay for course
fitness
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. There are still a few costs you have to pay
such
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 as trainers cost, etc. And, food
also
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 has a wide range of nutrition, so you have good
health
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, trying to eat more vegetables and fruits and reducing fast food which could harm your
health
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 and make your body overweight and fat
due to
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 it containing too many calories.
On the other hand
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, raising the number of
sports
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facilities
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 can help citizens conveniently to grow their healthy lives.
For instance
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, we do not go far away from just joining in
fitness
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 where having too many tools can aim your purpose to keep fit and healthy.
Besides
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 that, if the
fitness
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 has more
sports
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facilities
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 that it can attract inhabitant coming there.
Hence
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 if we just only concentrate development of
sports
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facilities
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 that it may have advantages. Personally, I think we have to go out of the door to do exercise
special
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apply
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in the morning, and you do not have to pay too much money to take part in gym stores.In conclusion, both have discussed both views between the negative and positive of raising
sports
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facilities
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 or not

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Task Achievement
The essay marginally addresses the task and presents ideas, however, it lacks clarity and a clear position. A more direct and developed response to the question is required. Include an obvious main idea in each paragraph with extensive development of the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and logical sequencing of ideas. This affects the overall understanding of your arguments. Work on using cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay, and the conclusion should succinctly summarise the main points discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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