IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that government is wasting money on art, and better spent elsewhere what extended do you agree?

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It is frequently argued by folks that higher authorities are continuously wasting finances on creativity rather than using it for the improvement of other crucial sectors. I partially agree with
this
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 notion because
art
Use synonyms
also
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 offers multiple benefits to the country.
To begin
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 with,
art
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 is vital to preserve the culture and heritage of any nation. From ancient times, human beings made many sculptures or paintings that demonstrate the history of any specific place.
For instance
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, Italy is extremely popular for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ancient
art
Use synonyms
 as tourists enjoy the hard work done on the walls.
Thus
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, it helps to maintain historical continuity as the information passes from one generation to another.
Furthermore
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, investments in crafts
also
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 bring several economic benefits. If the regime is supporting
this
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 by funding,
then
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 every year thousands of individuals will be interested
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
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this
Linking Words
 sector to secure their future.
Additionally
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, more and more museums will be constructed that display the extraordinary work of a creative person.
Hence
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,
this
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 will boost tourism from foreign lands
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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directly
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
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 more employment options for the residents.
Due to
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this
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, hotels, accommodations, and restaurants earn big profits that add a surge to the tax revenue for the government.
For example
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, the Taj Mahal in India attracts millions of international tourists that contribute 18%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
overall
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 GDP of the Indian economy.
However
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, governments must
also
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 prioritize essential services like healthcare, educational facilities, and infrastructure. These are the basic needs for the citizens to live a quality of life. Some developing countries invest too much money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
craft skills
instead
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 of providing affordable medicines or health treatments to needy patients. Where could be the focus on the big monuments or on the renovation of hospitals with innovative equipment? Undoubtedly, easy access to basic life needs would be more focused than anything else.
Overall
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,
art
Use synonyms
 is often neglected but I believe that a balanced approach is essential to address both perspectives effectively.
As creativity
Correct word choice
Creativity
show examples
 saves culture,
while
Linking Words
 basic needs improve quality of life.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas, especially when shifting from art benefits to government prioritization.
task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction; consider explicitly stating "partially agree" and briefly summarizing both perspectives.
task achievement
Include more specific examples for government investment in essential services as you did with art.
task achievement
Provides a balanced view on the importance of art and essential services, demonstrating critical analysis.
coherence cohesion
Concludes effectively, reinforcing the balanced approach suggested throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • promoting cultural diversity
  • stimulates economic growth
  • creative industries
  • revenue
  • economic competitiveness
  • quality of life
  • wellbeing
  • social cohesion
  • strategic investment
  • sustainable development
  • accountability
  • extravagant
  • resilience
  • public discourse
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