Some parents believe that home schooling is more beneficial than the traditional schools. What is your opinion.

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Business
always
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is always
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isa
Correct your spelling
a
cut-throat competition
which
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in which
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enterprises relentlessly make a huge effort to attract customers and gain profit. In order to build a customer base, numerous corporations these days introduce that their
products
are innovative in some aspects.
While
such
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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practices have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own merits and demerits, I strongly support that these promotions indicate a positive development in the industry, which will be
further
explained
within
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by
show examples
Correct article usage
a discussing
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discussing
Replace the word
discussion
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about
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of
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the root causes of
this
trend in
this
following essay.
Firstly
, people have a tendency to try out new things to satisfy their curiosity. Understanding
this
thinking,
therefore
, a number of companies stress
on
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apply
show examples
the innovations of their prominent goods as a good way to appeal
more
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to more
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and more shoppers to rebuild the customer base to recover from losses caused by economic depressions, especially after
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
pandemic.
For instance
, numerous publishers
as well as
Kim Dong,
Nha
Correct word choice
and Nha
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Nam,... annually release new versions of their previous books with innovations
such
as hardcore
version
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versions
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, novels with illustrations,
new
Correct word choice
and new
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book
cover
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covers
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,...
Due to
the fact that these unique versions have been sold out quickly,
this
business strategy
prove
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proves
show examples
its beneficial influence.
Secondly
, we can consider
this
practice as a positive development owning to the benefits which it brings
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
as a wide range of choices and the accessibility of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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well-qualified
products
. Since consumers prefer prominent and trendy
products
, businesses are forced to improve the quality of their merchandise and showcase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
superior value
in contrast
to other opponents in the trade market.
Moreover
,
this
trend
also
associates
Wrong verb form
associated
show examples
with a motivation to upgrade the technology and encourage imaginative creators to have their creative initiative come to being.
Therefore
,
this
business strategy is not only advantageous for consumers, but
also
the producers. In conclusion, the trend
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
corporations concentrate on the innovation of their latest
products
in advertising responds to the companies’ effort to appeal
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
and more shoppers. To my mind, these actions can ultimately be regarded as a fundamental development which improves the customer experience and makes remarkable changes to the industry
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. The introduction should clearly outline your opinion on the topic, while the conclusion should summarize your thoughts and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on aligning your paragraphs more coherently. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea with appropriate details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your ideas by providing more specific examples to back up your claims. Examples should be relevant and detailed to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions and connections between different parts of your essay, but avoid overusing them or using them inappropriately.
task achievement
Be vigilant with your essay's relevance to the topic. While you give opinions on innovation in business, it's important that these views align closely with the prompt about home schooling versus traditional schooling.
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