IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More people decided to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A growing number of individuals are opting to start families at a later stage of life compared to previous generations.
Although
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this
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 can help their careers before giving birth, I believe that there are more drawbacks because it will negatively impact their kids later. The main reason people delay giving birth is to gain a promotion.
This
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 is because they can focus more on working and can be able to achieve their goals without any hindrance.
For instance
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, some researchers said that many young people have to work 7 days a week, and those who can maintain that pace are very likely to be promoted and become successful.
However
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, I believe that any promotions will affect their
children
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's growth.
On the other hand
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, people who have offspring early in life can escalate the expenditures and financial responsibilities of parents.
Moreover
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, if they do not spend
time
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 with their kids, they will grow up with psychological issues.
Thus
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, by having early babies, young parents cannot handle both working and their offspring together.
This
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 might put both their careers and their
children
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's future at risk.
For example
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, parents are too busy to spend
time
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 with their
children
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 so they let their kids stay alone at home for a long
time
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 and
this
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 might lead to many psychological issues like depression or autism. In conclusion,
although
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 it might be tempting to make career advancement before having a child, one must consider and decide to spend better
time
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 together and provide all amenities to
children
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 and spend
time
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 with them.

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task achievement
The essay briefly touches on both sides of the argument, but depth and development of ideas is limited. It is important to extend the main points with a balance of explanation and exemplification. Each paragraph should center on a single idea with a clear topic sentence followed by examples or further explanation.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction and conclusion. Still, the progression of ideas could be made smoother, and the relationship between the points and the overarching thesis could be clearer. Consider using a range of cohesive devices to create a seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay, ensuring that paragraphs logically follow one another.
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