IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects for the progress of the country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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For the betterment of the country, many people believe that the authorities should spend more capital on providing
science
Use synonyms
 education among the people rather than any other sector. In
this
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 contemporary world, it is really difficult to do better things without
science
Use synonyms
-invented cutting-edge technologies, so, I completely agree with the statement.
To begin
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 with,
science
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 is the most efficient way to improve a nation's knowledge
as well as
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 wealth. If any country wants to invent new technologies, they must have profound knowledge in the fields of
science
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;
as a result
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, they should invest more
money
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 the Korean State Department, south Korea invested more than 12 folds
money
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 in the year 2022 in the field of
science
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 and technology so that they could earn more revenue.
Finally
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, they earned almost triple in 2023 than in 2022 from cell phone-making companies.
On the other hand
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, other subjects like history, language studies etc. are necessary,
however
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, their demand is decreasing day by day
due to
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 the improvement of
science
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 fields.
For instance
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, it is not too necessary to learn a language as we can easily convert it using digital language converters.
Moreover
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, If anyone wants to learn about their past, they can easily get their records on the internet, these are
also
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 the results of
science
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. So, in
this
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 modern world, if one country develops their
science
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 studies by investing more
money
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, other subjects can be learned easily. In conclusion, it is necessary to learn different types of subjects,
however
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, it will be easy to teach when
science
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 education is more developed.
For
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this
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 reason, to compete with the modern world and earn more foreign currency, the government should spend more and more
money
Use synonyms
 on scientific studies.

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task achievement
While your essay clearly argues in favor of the topic, you could improve by acknowledging counterarguments more thoroughly and addressing them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph remains focused on a single main idea and uses topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your main points, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas ensures the essay is easily understandable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological innovations
  • economic growth
  • critical issues
  • balanced education
  • diversity
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • empathy
  • future market demands
  • societal needs
  • digital economy
  • innovation-driven world
  • overemphasis
  • devaluation
  • cultural understanding
  • social cohesion
  • competitive edge
  • renewable energy
  • career prospects
  • public good
  • evidence-based decisions
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