Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that criminal occasions can be reduced by providing extended prison sentences,
while
others assume that an alternative path of decreasing criminal events will be more effective. The following essay takes a look at the both sides of the argument.
It is worth considering that, unfortunately, compared with the last
century's statistics, in the contemporary world the percentage of criminal offenses
Change the spelling
offences
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
enhanced
several times, Verb problem
increased
consequently
the lives of law-abiding citizens are endangered. One of the proposed ideas for decreasing the hazardous crime risks is to prolong the imprisonment period, which should intimidate criminals from committing any unlawful acts. Indeed, Add a comma
consequently,
such
a law introduction will slightly adjust the situation, however
increasing the prison sentence timing for several years will not alter the primary behaviour of some individuals and, tragically, will not cease them.
Another thing to consider is alternative ways of crime reduction which could be established by governmental authority. For instance
, a high percentage of offenders refer to lower layers of society, hence
due to
the deep poverty, they try to survive by committing minor crimes, like theft. As a result
, this
can be solved by extra attention from local administration or volunteers, which can improve the quality of the needy. Regarding severe and life-threatening crimes, like murder or violence, this
still should be deeply judged and punished. In my humble opinion, this
education should start from early childhood, moreover
can be improved by providing excellent upbringing by parents and educational institutions to grow honest citizens.
Taking everything into consideration, it is agreed that there are 8 billion people all over the globe and we would never have a proper involvement in all of them. However
, being a proper citizen and giving an example for others will definitely cease the crime events.Submitted by yulia_regulich on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clarity by avoiding repetition and ambiguous phrases. For example, instead of "criminal occasions," use "crime rates" throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed and concrete examples to support your points. Instead of saying "this can be solved by extra attention from local administration," specify what actions could be taken (e.g., job training programs, housing assistance).
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a cohesive structure.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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