IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Music
 can be a
stress
 relief for a lot of
people
 and
people
 can enjoy
music
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 almost every
occasions
Change to a singular noun
occasion
show examples
 with a vast range of genres. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 side with some
people
 who agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
music
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 one of the coping
stress
Change preposition
for stress
show examples
 and
anxiety
. In
this
 essay, I will talk about how
music
 is good for our well-being and important to relieve
stress
 and
anxiety
.
Firstly
, listening to our
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
music
release
Change the verb form
releases
show examples
 a happy hormone called dopamine. The dopamine secretion allows our mind to relax, which indirectly helps to loosen up our muscles from any
tensions
Fix the agreement mistake
tension
show examples
. Other than that, it helps us to think about happy things
instead
 of activating the hyper-alarmed consciousness which leads to
anxiety
.
However
, we need to listen to the right
music
 to
active
Replace the word
activate
show examples
 the hormone as the unsuitable one will only make your ears overstimulated.
For instance
, listening to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
that is
 too loud or too upbeat may not
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for some
people
 to reduce their
stress
 and
anxiety
.
Furthermore
, back in the day until now,
music
 was made by the composer to be enjoyable and attractive for human beings or even for other living
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
.
Hence
, regardless
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how and what kind of
music
 the
people
 are listening to, the main purpose of
music
 is to make us happy by listening to it and that feeling will eventually lead us to less
stress
 and
anxiety
.
Although
 some
people
 listen to sad
music
, it is
also
 one of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to let out
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 emotions so they will not be trapped and pilled up inside. In conclusion,
music
 can suppress the stressors in our body by inducing dopamine in our body. Other than that,
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of
music
 is to be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attraction
Replace the word
attractive
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human beings or even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals, which is why
music
 serves as our
stress
 reliever despite a wide difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
 type
Submitted by pink panther on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure introduction contains a clear thesis statement reflecting the extent of agreement or disagreement. Avoid ambiguity in taking a stance.
task achievement
Develop and elaborate on each main point with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically and use a range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to structure the essay, dedicating each one to a separate main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: