IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that tests of drugs on animals should be carried out as this would improve public health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #tests #drugs #animals #health
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It is widely believed that animal testing should be executed as
this
 procedure would improve public health. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that implementing animal testing can be beneficial for conducting biomedical research. One of the main reasons is that scientific experiments conducted on
animals
 can provide crucial research on the possible reactions in the human body. Because there are a variety of
animals
 that are biologically very similar to humans, the implementation of drugs on
animals
 is critical for medical researchers to observe the potential effects of the medicine. Another reason can be the development of more effective medicine and surgical procedures
as a result
 of animal testing.
Due to
 the fact that several
animals
 can closely mimic how the human body responds to different types of drugs,
this
 procedure ensures the safety and effective result of a treatment when actually used for humans.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that animal testing should be carried out.
Firstly
, there are many alternatives including non-animal methods that are as efficient as animal experiments. These alternatives can
also
 demonstrate the effect of chemicals and treatments possible on the human body and are
also
 more humane.
Secondly
, animal testing is ethically wrong as it violates the rights of an animal, forcing them to endure involuntary pain.
For example
, a recent study by Havard University suggests that more than 87% of the
animals
 being used for animal testing died or experienced severe pain, causing them to suffer for the remaining course of their life. In conclusion,
although
 animal testing is crucial in the medical field to improve public health, I'm convinced that there are various alternatives that can be used to reduce the lives of many innocent
animals
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. While presenting a balanced view, ensure that your stance on the topic is explicitly expressed and maintained from introduction through conclusion for consistency and clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure that each main point is well-developed with specific examples. In this essay, the examples provided could be further detailed to enhance the argument and display a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive to present a well-organized essay with clear progression between ideas and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively but avoid overusing them, which can reduce the clarity of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
All paragraphs should be clearly focused on a single idea, which contributes to the overall topic. Work on ensuring that each paragraph's main idea is clear and well-supported with relevant examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, consider creating a more explicit plan before writing. This plan should outline the essay's introduction, main body paragraphs, and conclusion to ensure a cohesive and logical argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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