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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents believe that their children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others say that in this way, children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Although
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 it is sometimes thought that extra-curricular
activities
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 ought to be added to
students
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' lives after school, other people believe that they may lead to a stressful life. In my opinion, I consider that doing more extracurricular
activities
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 is more beneficial for
students
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. On the one hand, some people think that it is more beneficial for
students
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 to participate in extra-curricular after-school
activities
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, and I agree.
In other words
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, compared to studying academic subjects, extracurricular
activities
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 allow
students
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 to develop more social skills and teamwork.
For example
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, if a person participates in more extracurricular
activities
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 during their student years, they may be more likely to achieve success in their future work and life.
Furthermore
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, participating in diverse extracurricular
activities
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 can stimulate creativity, which plays a crucial role in achieving significant success.
On the other hand
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,
according to
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 some, children should not be forced to do extracurricular
activities
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. One reason is that
students
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 do not have enough time to rest.
That is
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 to say, when
students
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 do extra-curricular
activities
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, they will be tired because when they return home, they have to complete their academic tasks. In China,
for instance
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, teachers give
students
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 too much daily homework, and
students
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 have to finish it before the next day. If they don’t finish, the teacher may punish them. In
this
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 case,
students
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 have to stay up until late at night to finish their homework. Another reason is that
students
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 will have physical issues.
This
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 is because of a lack of sleep, which may destroy
students
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’ immune systems.
To sum up
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,
while
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 people may vary in their opinions, I think that participating in after-school
activities
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 has many advantages for
students
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your opinion on the topic. This can help clarify your viewpoint for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more explicitly. For example, use linking phrases to show the relationship between your points and the overall argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples or details to support your arguments more robustly, particularly in the body paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument in favor of extracurricular activities, supported by logical reasoning and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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