Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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While

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it is commonly suggested that corporal

punishment

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helps to better student's behaviour, others believe it could be harmful in many ways. I'm going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion, there are more efficient methods of educating

students

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than corporal

punishment

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. On the one hand, it is argued that it is helpful to use corporal

punishment

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to make

students

Use synonyms

behave better. The main reason is that when

students

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make a mistake and are punished with corporal, they will remember it for a long time;

therefore

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, they will not have a tendency to repeat it in the future.

For example

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, in primary

school

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, I made some mistakes and my teacher hit my hand, which made me change my behaviour and not repeat the mistakes when I moved on to Secondary

School

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and High

School

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On the other hand

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, it is strongly believed by others that corporal

punishment

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could bring about several negative effects in various ways. People often have

this

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opinion because there are already some reports showing data about a proportion of

students

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having serious psychological trauma. In fact, some schools have problems when the

students

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cannot continue to go to

school

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after they receive corporal

punishment

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For example

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, in 2020, it was reported in The New York Times that 70% of high schoolers have serious psychological crises in 100 high schools using corporal

punishment

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in America. In conclusion,

while

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some people think that corporal

punishment

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can help to improve student's behaviour, others believe it could be in many aspects. Personally, I tend to believe that there are other ways to educate

students

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efficiently, we don't need to use corporal

punishment

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in a learning environment.

Submitted by yeshomeclass on Thu Dec 28 2023

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task achievement

In the discussion of both views on corporal punishment, some elaboration on the arguments is needed. While the basic structure of presenting both sides is there, the essay would benefit from deeper analysis and a more clear and comprehensive representation of each viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is fair, but there could be improvements in the flow and connections between paragraphs. Transitions between points are somewhat abrupt, and ideas would benefit from more thoughtful linking phrases.

task achievement

When citing examples, ensure that they are both relevant and specific to corroborate the points made. The use of a statistic from The New York Times is good, but its authenticity and relevance to the point need to be clearer. Providing specific case studies or research findings might help bolster your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and perform their functions adequately. The opinion is clear, but could be integrated more smoothly within the essay. Rather than just appearing at the beginning and end, your perspective should be subtly woven throughout your discussion.

coherence cohesion

There is a need to support main points with a stronger development of arguments. Avoid superficial statements and aim for depth in the analysis of why some people believe in the effectiveness of corporal punishment or its detrimental effects.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

corporal punishment
deterrent
undesirable behavior
discipline
respect for authority
disruptive behaviors
conducive learning environment
judiciously
reinforce
boundaries
psychological effects
increased aggression
anxiety
cycle of violence
physical aggression
abuse
discrimination
unevenly
biases
resentment
positive reinforcement
counseling
behavioral interventions
self-control
decision-making skills

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Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

ILETS WRITING 2 - OPINION Essay Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

for schoolchildren , their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents . to what extent do you agree or disagree.