IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What do you think is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Most
people
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 do not have a sense of security, either at their homes or in public places.
This
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 essay will explain why poverty become the main cause and how economic equality can address criminality incidents.
To begin
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 with, poverty is one of the contributing factors in wickedness cases.
This
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 phenomenon is caused by a lack of income and assets to fulfill household needs can transform humans into a culprit.
For instance
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, Jakarta is recorded to have the highest villainy rates in Indonesia, and it is linear to the number of poor and unemployed
people
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 in the current situation.
As a result
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, when
people
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 are desperate to look for cents, they will conduct everything blindly, and it correlates with the criminal genesis in residents and public centres. To answer
this
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 problem, economic equality must be fought for by providing sufficient numbers of employment. When
people
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 work and get a stable income, they will live as normal human beings and serve their families a decent life. Take another city, Yogyakarta, as an example. Yogyakarta is known as a city in which its residents have a high level of education,
as well as
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 dozens of work fields to absorb the productive ages.
Thus
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, Yogyakarta nowadays become the safest region in Indonesia since it has the similarity of economic level among societies.
To sum up
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, the criminality level that continues to increase creates chaotic situations for
people
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. They do not feel safe anywhere. Since poverty has become the main actor in
this
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 case, governments should mitigate the economic gap by creating thousands of jobs to engage the local
people
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.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better transitioning phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly paraphrases the question and states what the essay will cover. For the conclusion, ensure that it summarises the main points discussed and not introduce new ideas. This will help to present a complete argument from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, make sure you directly address all parts of the prompt throughout your essay. Expand on why people feel unsafe, exploring other potential causes besides poverty, and propose a range of solutions, not just economic equality. Provide specific examples to support each point you make to solidify your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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