IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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One of the governments’ splurges is installing some art, which makes some people, especially the citizens, argue that the money should be spent on something more useful. I, hereby, agree with those who feel that way as the spending can be used for the development and basic care for the society.
Firstly
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, government cash that was originally allocated to buy the arts could fund the development of the countries. It is fundamental to provide the best infrastructure since they are the basic installations needed for the functioning of a state. By having proper infrastructure, the community will become more prosperous. As an example, to purchase the art installation could possibly cost them a thousand dollars.
On the other hand
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, with the same number of notes, they can improve the quality of roads, public transportation, and other kinds of infrastructures in some underdeveloped districts, which will be more advantageous because it helps the economy to grow since the whole state is properly connected.
Hence
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, there are connected supply chains and ease in moving goods and services.
Secondly
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, the money could be allocated to improve the major facilities that are essential to support the inhabitants’ lives.
Instead
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 of investing in artwork that has no physical function, it is better to upgrade the civil services. To illustrate, the citizens’ well-being can be enhanced by having accessible yet good health care,
as well as
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 their education which can be improved by providing affordable education centres. Improving those facilitations allows the societies to live their best life because they are satisfied by their governments’ public services.
Additionally
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, they can expense the cash to subsidize the groceries and livestock so the prices will become more reasonable and benefit all levels of society. In conclusion, the ruling powers should prioritize their citizens’ needs by building the cities and taking care of them through the facilities.
Therefore
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, I have no doubt that it is better to make use of the money for more beneficial things
instead
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 of spending it on expensive artworks.

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task achievement
Ensure to directly address the question in the introduction, explicitly stating your position to provide a clear standpoint for the examiner.
task achievement
Develop your main points by providing clearer, more specific examples. Rather than hypothetical scenarios, include real-world evidence to bolster your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is elaborated on. Avoid introducing new points without sufficient development or conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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