IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
Earning huge
money
while
 having less free
time
 is more beneficial than having more
time
 to spend with a low salary.
Although
 more
money
 is necessary to have a luxurious
life
, I am personally of the opinion that more leisure periods are much more important for a happy
life
.
To begin
 with, These days many
people
 are running after
money
 without caring about their personal lives. For the purpose of living a luxurious
life
 both men and women are working overtime to get high incentives, which leads to a stressful
life
,
people
 who do not have free
time
 to spend have having high chance of the victims of stress and strain.
For instance
, consider Elon Musk who is one of the prominent wealthiest personalities all around the world once said in an interview that he would barely sleep only 3 to 4 hours a day.
However
money
 has an indispensable role in everyone's
life
, I strongly believe that having free
time
 to spend is much necessary.
On the other hand
,
People
 tend to have a less paying job for the purpose of fewer working hours. Men are working for low salaries to have flexible office timings,
this
 makes them spend more
time
 with their family and friends which leads to coping with mental stress.
In addition
,
people
 who have less pay with fewer working hours are planning to earn
money
 in their free
time
. which made them to solve their financial issues.
For example
, Chris Pell is an English Test Examiner, but in his free
time
, he used to teach children in online classes. In conclusion, Earning a high amount of
money
 is not much more necessary than having free
time
 to spend. I believe that
money
 is important but it never replaces the
time
 that we have to enjoy ourselves.
Submitted by eeretimaheshsritej on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job of discussing both views and stating a clear opinion, which is integral for a high score in task response. However, be cautious to develop your main points further with more detailed supporting examples and reasoning to fully satisfy the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have a coherent structure, with distinct paragraphs and mostly clear transitions. To improve your score, consider refining your linking phrases for smoother transitions and ensuring each paragraph fully develops a single main idea.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame your argument, emphasizing the importance of having more free time over earning more money, which is an effective strategy in both coherence and task response.
supported main points
You've used relevant examples to support your points, such as referencing Elon Musk and Chris Pell, which enhances the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: