Some people say Olympics games does not play a role in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree

The
Olympic
Games
, a global spectacle that has captivated audiences for over a century, continue to hold significant relevance in the 21st century.
While
some argue that the
Games
have become overly commercialized and politically charged, the
Olympics
remain a powerful platform for unity, inspiration, and athletic excellence. One of the most compelling arguments for the continued relevance of the
Olympics
is its ability to foster international understanding and cooperation. Athletes from diverse cultural and political backgrounds come together to compete on a global stage, transcending borders and promoting peace. The
Olympic
spirit, characterized by fair play, respect, and friendship, serves as a beacon of hope in a world often divided by conflict and tension.
For instance
, the 2018 Winter
Olympics
in Pyeongchang provided a platform for athletes from North and South Korea to march together under a unified flag, symbolizing the potential for reconciliation and cooperation.
Moreover
, the
Olympics
inspire millions of people around the world to pursue their athletic dreams. The
Games
showcase the pinnacle of human athletic achievement, motivating individuals to strive for excellence in their own lives. Athletes who overcome adversity and achieve greatness become role models, inspiring young people to lead healthy and active lifestyles. The legendary performance of Usain Bolt,
for example
, captivated audiences worldwide and encouraged countless individuals to embrace sports and fitness.
While
the
Olympics
have faced criticism for their commercialization and the exorbitant costs of hosting the
Games
, it's important to acknowledge that these challenges can be mitigated through careful planning and sustainable practices.
However
, it is crucial to strike a balance between commercial interests and the core values of the
Olympic
movement. In conclusion, the
Olympic
Games
remain a relevant and impactful global event. By continuing to uphold their core values and adapt to the changing world, the
Olympics
can continue to inspire and unite people for generations to come.
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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion when addressing both sides of the argument. While the essay provides strong support for the relevance of the Olympics, it could briefly acknowledge the opposing view directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs for even smoother reading. While coherence is strong, more explicit linking phrases could enhance flow.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion, supporting the view that the Olympics remain relevant.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each main point is well-supported with specific, relevant examples, such as the unification of North and South Korea and Usain Bolt's influence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The coherent and logical progression of ideas makes the essay easy to follow and understand.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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