In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

These days, in some countries people based on their culture suggest that the young generations should work hard to obtain the elements that they want.
While
this
advice has a range of benefits, I still believe that cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, the merits of massage that say
children
have to work hard to achieve their goals are varied.
Firstly
,
this
tip teaches youth that the items that want cannot be really soon without any trying.
For example
, when the
children
do not study hard, they are not able to get good scores.
Secondly
,
this
fact helps
children
to have active lives and use all their chances to achieve their aims.
On the other hand
,
this
fact has several demerits. On the one side, most
children
think about extraordinary things;
as a result
, when they cannot achieve them, they think that
this
message is false;
thereafter
, these populations do not try to obtain other objectives. On the other side, a group of
children
might be disappointed ;
furthermore
, they do not try for other parts owing to the fact that they spend a lot of not only time but
also
money on one factor ;
however
, they won't be caught their objective for various accidental issues.
To sum up
, trying hard to achieve your goal is the good point that motivates young people;
nevertheless
, In my opinion, the bad points that have a negative effect on people's beliefs and prevent them from following their aims can eclipse the advantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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content
Clarify and consolidate the main argument in the conclusion to make it stronger and more aligned with the essay's main points.
cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that is directly supported by relevant examples or explanations.
task response
Provide more specific examples to substantiate your arguments and make your points more convincing.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion.
cohesion
Overall, there's a logical progression of ideas, leading the reader through the argument step by step.
task response
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
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