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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday and on the weekend, in 2019.

The bar chart below shows the average number of visitors who went to six types of attractions in Canberra, on a weekday and on the weekend, in 2019.
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The bar chart illustrates the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to six different attractions in Canberra per day in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figure showed that all
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly spent their time on a
weekend
Use synonyms
 day, with Canberra's cafes and restaurants being the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
However
Linking Words
, the least
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the recreational area was Museums on a weekday.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
although
Linking Words
 cafes and Restaurants
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 notably the most visited
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 on
Use synonyms
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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, accounting for 150
visitors
Use synonyms
, their
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 similar to
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
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center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
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 about 90
visitors
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, which is slightly lower than parks by 10
visitors
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the total
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
number of visitors
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for
Change preposition
to
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 remaining attractions, including
museum
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museums
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, movie theaters, and
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
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,
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 below 80
visitor
Change to a plural noun
visitors
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. Compared to libraries,
people
Use synonyms
 were more likely to visit
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 and movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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 on a
weekend
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,
about
Change preposition
with about
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 80 and 70
visitors
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, respectively. On a weekday only a small
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 visited
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
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 and library, approximately 20
visitors
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, visitors, weekend with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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