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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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In many developed countries, young
people
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 today enjoy greater wealth, improved health, and longer life expectancy compared to previous generations.
However
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, despite these advancements, their
overall
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happiness
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 seems to be declining.
This
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 essay will explore the main causes of
this
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 paradox and suggest practical solutions to help address the issue. One major reason for the decline in
happiness
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 among young
people
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 is the rise of social media, which creates unrealistic standards of success and lifestyle. Constant exposure to the seemingly perfect lives of celebrities and influencers can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Many youths feel pressured to achieve more and work harder, often comparing themselves to others and becoming dissatisfied with their own progress.
For instance
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, Studies have shown that young individuals in wealthier nations are more prone to depression and anxiety because of these constant comparisons and the pressure to maintain a flawless public image. To address
this
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 issue, schools can play a crucial role in promoting emotional well-being from an early age. Educational systems should implement balanced curriculums that focus not only on academic success but
also
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 on mental health, creativity, and personal development.
For example
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, integrating classes
such
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 as art, music, mindfulness, and physical activity can help students manage stress and develop a more holistic outlook on life.
For example
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, Teaching goal-setting, time management, and self-compassion can
also
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 equip young
people
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 with the tools they need to pursue success
while
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 maintaining their
happiness
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. In conclusion,
although
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 young
people
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 today are wealthier and healthier than before, their
happiness
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 is often compromised
due to
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 social pressures and unrealistic expectations. By incorporating mental health education and personal development into school programs, societies can help the younger generation achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life

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language
Consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your language range.
content
Make sure to clarify the direct impact of social media on happiness in a more explicit way, possibly with more examples or statistics.
content
Try to present more than one approach for addressing the issue, as this may strengthen the argument and show deeper critical thinking.
structure
The introduction clearly outlines the main topic and sets up the discussion effectively, engaging the reader.
coherence
The essay successfully connects the causes and solutions in a logical manner, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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