IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graphs depict the transformations
owning
Change preposition
in owning
show examples
 electrical items and durations
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing
housework
Use synonyms
 in a country for 99 years from 1920 to 2019. The data have been calibrated in percentage and
hours
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of households with electrical goods went up in a decade.
In contrast
Linking Words
, amount of
hours
Use synonyms
 of
housework
Use synonyms
 per household decreased. First and foremost, vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 and
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 accounted
up
Change preposition
for up
show examples
 to 100%,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 in 1920 both of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 things started the lowest at 30% and 0%. Meanwhile,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
household
Change to a plural noun
households
show examples
 that had washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 saw a fluctuation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1920 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 with laundry
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 was 40% and continued rising to 70% in 1960 and fell to 63%. after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it experienced
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 to 72% in 2019, which was the peak.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in 1920 spent approximately 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
housework
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as doing laundry, preparing dishes and cleaning.
However
Linking Words
, in the next 20 years, it dropped to 35
hours
Use synonyms
 and slightly declined to 11
hours
Use synonyms
 every week for
people
Use synonyms
 to do
housework
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 recent years more and more
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
live
Correct your spelling
leave
show examples
 the
housework
Use synonyms
 behind compared to the past.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of having electric appliances increased.
Submitted by syifensaft on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words housework, hours, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: