Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a controversial issue regarding the neglect of the main purpose of traditional or religious

festivals

in recent times, with the focus shifting more towards mere enjoyment.

While

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I agree that the emphasis on happiness has increased during festival times, I do not completely believe that the true meaning of those

festivals

has been forgotten. On one hand, religious and traditional

festivals

have become times for celebration. In Iran,

Eid

Ghadir is a good example of a religious festival.

People

most associate

this

occasion with going to each other's house and having a good time. Most

people

look forward to

Eid

Ghadir as an opportunity to have fun rather than a time for practising religion.

Similarly

, we can see during non-religious

festivals

for example

Eid

Nowruz. In the Nowruz period,

people

are most concerned with cleaning their houses, shopping, giving and receiving presents and enjoying traditional meals like Herb rice with fish with their family.

However

, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of

festivals

has been forgotten. In Iran, pupils learn in detail about religious reasons for celebrating

Eid

Ghadir and a variety of

festivals

in other religions. Meanwhile, families

also

play a significant role in passing down knowledge about religious

festivals

to the succeeding generation. The same is true for

festivals

that have a historical background,

such

as Nowruz or Yalda night, in the sense that

people

generally learn the stories behind those occasions at an early age. In conclusion,

nevertheless

people

generally want to enjoy themselves during

festivals

, from my point of view they are still aware of the meaning behind these

festivals

Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on Fri Dec 29 2023

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Task Achievement

In terms of task response, ensure a more balanced development of ideas. While your argument presents both sides, the body paragraphs should proportionately explore the degree of agreement or disagreement with the topic statement. Additional analysis and nuanced perspectives could strengthen the argument further.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, create a tighter connection between ideas with more varied and precise cohesive devices. Although the essay presents a logical structure, it can be improved by linking the main points more explicitly and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Transitions between arguments could be smoother, which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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Some people say that governments should spend more money taking care elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.