Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is a controversial issue regarding the neglect of the main purpose of traditional or religious

festivals

in recent times, with the focus shifting more towards mere enjoyment.

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

I agree that the emphasis on happiness has increased during festival times, I do not completely believe that the true meaning of those

festivals

has been forgotten. On one hand, religious and traditional

festivals

have become times for celebration. In Iran,

Eid

Ghadir is a good example of a religious festival.

People

most associate

this

occasion with going to each other's house and having a good time. Most

people

look forward to

Eid

Ghadir as an opportunity to have fun rather than a time for practising religion.

Similarly

, we can see during non-religious

festivals

for example

Eid

Nowruz. In the Nowruz period,

people

are most concerned with cleaning their houses, shopping, giving and receiving presents and enjoying traditional meals like Herb rice with fish with their family.

However

, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of

festivals

has been forgotten. In Iran, pupils learn in detail about religious reasons for celebrating

Eid

Ghadir and a variety of

festivals

in other religions. Meanwhile, families

also

play a significant role in passing down knowledge about religious

festivals

to the succeeding generation. The same is true for

festivals

that have a historical background,

such

as Nowruz or Yalda night, in the sense that

people

generally learn the stories behind those occasions at an early age. In conclusion,

nevertheless

people

generally want to enjoy themselves during

festivals

, from my point of view they are still aware of the meaning behind these

festivals

Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on Fri Dec 29 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

In terms of task response, ensure a more balanced development of ideas. While your argument presents both sides, the body paragraphs should proportionately explore the degree of agreement or disagreement with the topic statement. Additional analysis and nuanced perspectives could strengthen the argument further.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, create a tighter connection between ideas with more varied and precise cohesive devices. Although the essay presents a logical structure, it can be improved by linking the main points more explicitly and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Transitions between arguments could be smoother, which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play video games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing video games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
Nowadays, with widespread access to computers, many children are engrossed in playing video games for extended periods. This trend has both positive and negative effects. From a negative standpoint, prolonged gaming can lead to adverse health consequences such as eye strain and stomach discomfort. Additionally, excessive gaming can disrupt children's academic performance. In order to mitigate these negative impacts, it is imperative for parents to take proactive measures.
4.5
band
Several individuals expand most of their life alive near where they were born. What might be the cause of th is? What are the advantages and downsides?
Some people extend majority of thier live by living near their hometown. Spending almost of the entirely of active life near home city benefit to individuals as living in the same atmostphere as the place they growing up, however, there are also negative aspects to be taken into consideration.
5.5
band
The Impact of Technology on Education and Learning
In the contemporary era, technology plays an increasingly pivotal role in the realm of education and learning, ushering in both positive transformations and potential challenges. While some hail technology as a catalyst for enhancing educational quality and efficacy, others caution against its potential to exacerbate societal disparities and diminish social interactions.
7.5
band
Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
The proposition that everyone has an inherent right to access university education and that governments should provide free tuition for all students, regardless of their financial circumstances, is a complex issue with compelling arguments on both sides. While the notion of universal access to higher education is undeniably appealing, I believe that the potential drawbacks outweigh the benefits, making it an impractical solution.
4.5
band
Art classes, such as drawing and painting, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
There is a common belief has shown that artistic lessons should be compelled in high education as they play a pivotal role in the development of children. Personally, this is not an ideal opinion for a fully-grown child via the fact that it will waste their time and efforts uselessly.

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play video games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing video games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

Several individuals expand most of their life alive near where they were born. What might be the cause of th is? What are the advantages and downsides?

The Impact of Technology on Education and Learning

Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Art classes, such as drawing and painting, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.