Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a controversial issue regarding the neglect of the main purpose of traditional or religious
festivals
in recent times, with the focus shifting more towards mere enjoyment.
While
,
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I agree that the emphasis on happiness has increased during festival times, I do not completely believe that the true meaning of those
festivals
has been forgotten. On one hand, religious and traditional
festivals
have become times for celebration. In Iran,
Eid
Ghadir is a good example of a religious festival.
People
most associate
this
occasion with going to each other's house and having a good time. Most
people
look forward to
Eid
Ghadir as an opportunity to have fun rather than a time for practising religion.
Similarly
, we can see during non-religious
festivals
,
for example
,
Eid
Nowruz. In the Nowruz period,
people
are most concerned with cleaning their houses, shopping, giving and receiving presents and enjoying traditional meals like Herb rice with fish with their family.
However
, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of
festivals
has been forgotten. In Iran, pupils learn in detail about religious reasons for celebrating
Eid
Ghadir and a variety of
festivals
in other religions. Meanwhile, families
also
play a significant role in passing down knowledge about religious
festivals
to the succeeding generation. The same is true for
festivals
that have a historical background,
such
as Nowruz or Yalda night, in the sense that
people
generally learn the stories behind those occasions at an early age. In conclusion,
nevertheless
,
people
generally want to enjoy themselves during
festivals
, from my point of view they are still aware of the meaning behind these
festivals
.
Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on

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Task Achievement
In terms of task response, ensure a more balanced development of ideas. While your argument presents both sides, the body paragraphs should proportionately explore the degree of agreement or disagreement with the topic statement. Additional analysis and nuanced perspectives could strengthen the argument further.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, create a tighter connection between ideas with more varied and precise cohesive devices. Although the essay presents a logical structure, it can be improved by linking the main points more explicitly and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Transitions between arguments could be smoother, which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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