Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams like football, while other people thinuk that taking part in individual Sports like Tennis Or swimming is better .discuss both view and give your opinion
On the one hand, being a participant in
a teams
may bring numerous benefits to individuals. Correct the article-noun agreement
a team
teams
Firstly
, playing in a team
may suppor
the Correct your spelling
support
sence
of Correct your spelling
sense
comminty
. Imagine that a baseball Correct your spelling
community
player
who share
his Change the verb form
shares
responsibilty
related to the game with his Correct your spelling
responsibility
teammates
, with the help of his mates’ support, he may feel relaxer
and his stress level may Replace the word
relaxed
reduce
. In comparison with a Wrong verb form
be reduced
player
, who has to tackle any challenge by himself, being a member of a team
may foster a spirit of unity. Secondly
, when poeple
be a part of a Correct your spelling
people
team
, they may build an intense relationship with their teammates
. Due to
the fact that they share the same target and spend much time
together, they tend to learn each others
Change noun form
other's
strengts
and weaknesses, which is acknowledged as a key element for friendship. Correct your spelling
strengths
To sum up
, belonging a
Change preposition
to a
team
may support the
sense of togetherness, and give a chance to build new friendships.
Correct article usage
a
On the other hand
, individiual
Correct your spelling
individual
sports
may provide various benefits, as well. For
instance
when people play alone against Add a comma
instance,
to
someone else, they have to tackle any trouble by themselves. Let’s think that a tennis Change preposition
apply
player
, in order
to win the competition the player
has to analyze his rival and set his strategies. This
thinking process is not needed when it’s
Verb problem
it
come
to Wrong verb form
comes
team
sports
, since teams contain more than one person, members are likely to set a strategy together. As long as a player
set
his way of competing by himself, he would raise the sense of independence more a member of a Wrong verb form
sets
team
. Also
, when a man do
not belong Change the verb form
does
any
Change preposition
to any
team
, he can play whatever he want
without asking his Change the verb form
wants
teammates
. Considering the value of time
, especially in our fast-paced world, being interested in individual sports
may prevent to waste of time
in order
to wait
Add the preposition
wait for
teammates
. To wrap up, one should always keep in minds
that Fix the agreement mistake
mind
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
sports
may promote the
sense of independence, and protect Correct article usage
a
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
time
.
Finally
, I, personally, believe that being engage
in a branch of Wrong verb form
engaged
sports
is crucial for society in order
to staying
Change the verb
stay
healtier
and Correct your spelling
healthier
socializng
. In my point of view, when people perform Correct your spelling
socialise
at
any field of Change preposition
in
sports
, they build a strong and well-shaped body,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
refresh their mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
As a consequence
, their qualty
of life Correct your spelling
quality
rise
Wrong verb form
has risen
in
Change preposition
over
time
. The decision of being
a member of a Change preposition
to be
team
or participating in an individual sports
depends Fix the agreement mistake
sport
of
the Change preposition
on
individuals
. If they enjoy playing alone, they can Fix the agreement mistake
individual
related
to tennis or running. Another determining factor could be people’s lifestyle. A person, who has a bad work-life balance may find it Change the verb form
be related
relate
diffucult
to agree Correct your spelling
difficult
the
appropriate Change preposition
on the
time
with the other players, which may result in the
Correct article usage
a
lose
of motivation in Replace the word
loss
long
term.
Correct article usage
the long
To conclude
, when all the things are taken into account, sports
are accepted as an essential part of individual’s
life in Correct article usage
an individual’s
order
to raise their life quality. The choise
between individual Correct your spelling
choice
sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
team
sport
should be shaped by the person’s preferences and lifestyle.Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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introduction conclusion present
The essay should have a clear introduction that sets the context and states the writer's position on the topic. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and reiterate the writer's opinion. Sufficient use of paragraphing is in place but the introduction and conclusion are not fully developed to align with IELTS expectations. Consider clarifying your thesis statement and end with a stronger concluding statement that reflects on the content presented.
logical structure
Ensure that the essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and this should be supported with explanations or examples. Various linking mechanisms are used, but some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and the link between some statements and the main argument is sometimes tenuous. Work on enhancing the logical flow by effectively linking your ideas and using cohesive devices that accurately reflect the relationships between points.
supported main points
Each main point should be supported with relevant explanations. More focus should be placed on further developing your main ideas with specific examples or evidence that add weight to your arguments. There are attempts to provide examples, but in numerous instances, they are not fully elaborated on, which affects the persuasiveness of your argument. Seek to integrate more precise and illustrative examples to substantiate the points made.
complete response
The response meets the task requirements by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the response is somewhat general and could be expanded with more detailed ideas and a more thorough exploration of the topic. Aim to present and elaborate on your ideas in a manner that is complete, leaving no significant aspect of the task unaddressed. This can enhance the depth and clarity of your task response.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your essay includes ideas that are related to the prompt, there are moments where the clarity and comprehensiveness of these ideas could be improved. Strive for clearer exposition of your arguments with well-developed sentences and paragraphs. This will strengthen the persuasiveness and clarity of your response.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides some relevant examples, yet they could be more specific and clearly connected to the topic. When discussing abstract concepts like independence or community, it is beneficial to illustrate these ideas with concrete examples. Doing so will provide the reader with a stronger understanding of how you are connecting your points to the overall discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example