IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams like football, while other people thinuk that taking part in individual Sports like Tennis Or swimming is better .discuss both view and give your opinion

#people #part #sports #teams #football #thinuk #tennis
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On the one hand, being a participant in
a teams
Correct the article-noun agreement
a team
teams
show examples
 may bring numerous benefits to individuals.
Firstly
Linking Words
, playing in a
team
Use synonyms
 may
suppor
Correct your spelling
support
 the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
comminty
Correct your spelling
community
. Imagine that a baseball
player
Use synonyms
 who
share
Change the verb form
shares
show examples
 his
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 related to the game with his
teammates
Use synonyms
, with the help of his mates’ support, he may feel
relaxer
Replace the word
relaxed
show examples
 and his stress level may
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
. In comparison with a
player
Use synonyms
, who has to tackle any challenge by himself, being a member of a
team
Use synonyms
 may foster a spirit of unity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, when
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 be a part of a
team
Use synonyms
, they may build an intense relationship with their
teammates
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they share the same target and spend much
time
Use synonyms
 together, they tend to learn each
others
Change noun form
other's
show examples
strengts
Correct your spelling
strengths
 and weaknesses, which is acknowledged as a key element for friendship.
To sum up
Linking Words
, belonging
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 may support
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of togetherness, and give a chance to build new friendships.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
individiual
Correct your spelling
individual
sports
Use synonyms
 may provide various benefits, as well.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 when people play alone against
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone else, they have to tackle any trouble by themselves. Let’s think that a tennis
player
Use synonyms
, in
order
Use synonyms
 to win the competition the
player
Use synonyms
 has to analyze his rival and set his strategies.
This
Linking Words
 thinking process is not needed when
it’s
Verb problem
it
show examples
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 to
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, since teams contain more than one person, members are likely to set a strategy together. As long as a
player
Use synonyms
set
Wrong verb form
sets
show examples
 his way of competing by himself, he would raise the sense of independence more a member of a
team
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, when a man
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not belong
any
Change preposition
to any
show examples
team
Use synonyms
, he can play whatever he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 without asking his
teammates
Use synonyms
. Considering the value of
time
Use synonyms
, especially in our fast-paced world, being interested in individual
sports
Use synonyms
 may prevent to waste of
time
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
teammates
Use synonyms
. To wrap up, one should always keep in
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
 that
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 may promote
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of independence, and protect
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
time
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, I, personally, believe that being
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in a branch of
sports
Use synonyms
 is crucial for society in
order
Use synonyms
 to
staying
Change the verb
stay
show examples
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 and
socializng
Correct your spelling
socialise
. In my point of view, when people perform
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any field of
sports
Use synonyms
, they build a strong and well-shaped body
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, their
qualty
Correct your spelling
quality
 of life
rise
Wrong verb form
has risen
show examples
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. The decision
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 a member of a
team
Use synonyms
 or participating in an individual
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
. If they enjoy playing alone, they can
related
Change the verb form
be related
relate
show examples
 to tennis or running. Another determining factor could be people’s lifestyle. A person, who has a bad work-life balance may find it
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to agree
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 appropriate
time
Use synonyms
 with the other players, which may result in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of motivation in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
To conclude
Linking Words
, when all the things are taken into account,
sports
Use synonyms
 are accepted as an essential part of
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 life in
order
Use synonyms
 to raise their life quality. The
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 between individual
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and
team
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 should be shaped by the person’s preferences and lifestyle.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay should have a clear introduction that sets the context and states the writer's position on the topic. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and reiterate the writer's opinion. Sufficient use of paragraphing is in place but the introduction and conclusion are not fully developed to align with IELTS expectations. Consider clarifying your thesis statement and end with a stronger concluding statement that reflects on the content presented.
logical structure
Ensure that the essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and this should be supported with explanations or examples. Various linking mechanisms are used, but some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and the link between some statements and the main argument is sometimes tenuous. Work on enhancing the logical flow by effectively linking your ideas and using cohesive devices that accurately reflect the relationships between points.
supported main points
Each main point should be supported with relevant explanations. More focus should be placed on further developing your main ideas with specific examples or evidence that add weight to your arguments. There are attempts to provide examples, but in numerous instances, they are not fully elaborated on, which affects the persuasiveness of your argument. Seek to integrate more precise and illustrative examples to substantiate the points made.
complete response
The response meets the task requirements by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the response is somewhat general and could be expanded with more detailed ideas and a more thorough exploration of the topic. Aim to present and elaborate on your ideas in a manner that is complete, leaving no significant aspect of the task unaddressed. This can enhance the depth and clarity of your task response.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your essay includes ideas that are related to the prompt, there are moments where the clarity and comprehensiveness of these ideas could be improved. Strive for clearer exposition of your arguments with well-developed sentences and paragraphs. This will strengthen the persuasiveness and clarity of your response.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides some relevant examples, yet they could be more specific and clearly connected to the topic. When discussing abstract concepts like independence or community, it is beneficial to illustrate these ideas with concrete examples. Doing so will provide the reader with a stronger understanding of how you are connecting your points to the overall discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cooperation
  • Camaraderie
  • Teamwork
  • Shared responsibility
  • Personal goals
  • Individual glory
  • Self-reliance
  • Flexibility
  • Well-rounded
  • Athlete
  • Personal preference
  • Participation
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